


i dont need friends they disappoint me *thud*

by moggin



Series: destroying everything in its path [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: :), Akaashi Keiji Wears Glasses, Akaashi Keiji is Chaotic Neutral, Akaashi Keiji is a Good Friend, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Angst, Bilingual, Blood, Blow Jobs, Brazil, But also a good person, But not actually you'll see, Cat Cafés, College, Crying, Cuddles, Daichi is a Dad, Eventual Fluff, Feels, Financial Issues, First Time, Fluff, Guns, Hinata Shouyou Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, If you're not gonna read the fic at least read the paragraph in chap 13 its worth it, Injury, Kageyama Tobio is a Good Friend, Kissing, Lemon, M/M, Major Character Injury, Makeup, Making Out, Miscommunication, Miya Atsumu is Kind of an Ass, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Parties, Relationship Issues, Suicide, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Trilinguality, Tsukishima Kei is a Good Friend, Wow I can't believe that's a tag, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Good Friend, actually its complicated, broken leg, but I've marked it so you can skip it if u don't wanna read it, for now, hinata is a mess, its wholesome, kageyama is a physics major lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:54:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22933624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moggin/pseuds/moggin
Summary: Hinata and Kageyama are best friends. Right? (read the tags)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Hyakuzawa Yuudai, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, but thats not a thing anymore
Series: destroying everything in its path [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1941487
Comments: 100
Kudos: 130





	1. silence, bottom

**Author's Note:**

> you can just leave it downstairs  
> *proceeds to not leave it downstairs*

College fucking sucks.   
It took Kageyama Tobio a year of studying(studying!!) and a couple thousand dollars to even be here, and he’s still suffering. It’s like the light at the end of the tunnel was actually just a bigger fucking tunnel.

His days all progressed in the same fashion: wake up, brush his teeth, pack up his things and head to class. Take a shit ton of notes, lend them to classmates. Knead the cramps out of his hands. Go to the nearby coffee shop for lunch, more classes, more notes, more hand cramps. Go home, do the sacrilegious amount of homework assigned for that   
night(unless he chose to wake up early to finish it, but mornings were not his forte), eat a packet of beef flavored instant ramen, go to sleep, then start again the next day. 

His life was currently exhausting, to say the least. He was too busy to really focus on making any friends, or to be romantically involved. 

He trudged home after a particularly lengthy and strenuous lecture, barely awake. His feet dragged behind him, his worn white converse getting dirtier with every step he took through the rain. He had left his umbrella at home this morning, so now all the things in his bag were probably getting soaked, but he couldn’t care. He could barely fucking stay upright. There was a paper due today, so he stayed up all of last night editing and revising it. At least he got the paper in. Personal wellbeing comes second to grades.

Mildly stressed and majorly tired, Kageyama unlocked and opened the door to his dorm, and literally collapsed. In the doorway. With his wet shoes still on and his bag still on his back, he passed out cold in the entryway of his small dorm. 

Maybe an hour or two later, he woke up to find himself tucked into his bed, warm and cozy. He cracked his eyes open to see the dim almost-evening light filtering in through his open window, casting cool light and deep shadows on the room. There was a wooden tray on the table next to his bed, with tea and a note.

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and propped himself up on an elbow to grab the small piece of paper. 

Bakageyama- don’t push yourself too hard!! it was really hard to drag you across the dorm to your bed. You’re heavy, you know. --you know who the fuck this is from

Kageyama smiled at the note. His roommate and friend from high school, Hinata Shouyou, was thoughtful and kind and also a fucking dumbass, but he loved him.

Hinata was going to a party that night, so he would be home late. He invited Kageyama, saying the invitation he got said he could bring a plus one(his ass was so single lmao) but Kageyama said he had work to do. Which he did, but he kind of wanted to unwind; what better way to unwind than going to a party with a ton of chaotic people?

He threw the covers off his legs, wincing at the cold, and padded across the room to his schoolbag(which Hinata propped up against his desk when he dragged him here) and kneeled to open it. He got his physics textbook and sat on his bed. He could get some studying done before Hinata came back.

Kageyama had changed since high school, he ended up giving up on volleyball when he couldn’t get a sports scholarship at a good college. So he studied his ass off to try to get into college(which he did), and during that he realized how much he loved physics. He still loved volleyball, obviously, and physics helped him understand how it worked from the core. He was trying to pursue a physics diploma, and figure out what he’ll do with that once he gets it. 

A couple hours later the little digital clock on Kageyama’s bedside table read 8:00pm in aggressive red. He glanced up at his door when he heard the front door unlock and open, followed by the sound of Hinata putting his shoes down. 

Footsteps could be heard approaching Kageyama’s room before Hinata’s head peeked through the doorframe. 

“Morning, Bakageyama.” He stepped into the room and flopped onto Kageyama’s bed, half on Kageyama. When he spoke his voice was muffled into the bedsheets. “You’re pushing yourself too hard. You’re falling asleep in the doorway and I’m too small to pull your fat ass across the apartment-OW!! Kageyamaaa, why’d you hit me??”

“I’m not fat. You’re just small.” Hinata turned his head to look at him, pouting.

“Meanie.”

“Dumbass.”

Hinata’s pout turned into a bright smile at the familiar nickname. “You know, we haven’t talked in a minute.”

“It’s been like two days.”

“Yeah but you’ve been dead for like a week.”

“I’m always dead. You know this.”

“Yeah but like really dead. You passed out in the fucking doorway, for Christ’s sake.”

“Your point being?”

“I don’t wanna have to carry you around again.” His smile dropped to an annoyed pout. What is it with this guy and pouting? Maybe he knows he looks cute. Maybe he’s trying to get something from me. 

“That sounds like a you problem.” Kageyama put his entire hand on Hinata’s face and pushed him back. 

“You’re dumb.”

“You’re dumber.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not!!”

“You literally are.”

“Ughhhhh Kageyamaaaaaaa!! You suck.”

“You swallow.”

“You wish.”

“Pizza?”

“You’re paying.”

“Fine.” Kageyama got his phone off the table and dialed the number to the nearby pizzeria. When the call started ringing, Hinata sat up and sat cross-legged in front of him, looking amusedly disappointed.

“You really memorized their number, huh.” Kageyama just flipped him off and turned his head so he didn’t have to look at the idiot’s face anymore and also so he could stand up. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, beginning to pace the bedroom.

“Hi. I’d like to place an order.” A pause. “One pie, uh,” he turned to Hinata, who was watching him, “just plain, thanks.” Hinata gave him a thumbs up. “Uh, XXX, YYY Road, building ZZZ.” Kageyama tapped his thigh lightly with his right hand. He stopped walking and looked at his desk, wiping some dust off the surface. “Yeah, you can just leave it downstairs, thanks. You too, have a good night.”

He hung up the phone and looked at Hinata. “What do you want to do until he gets here?”

“Dunno.”

There was silence for a second, until Kageyama spoke again. “Did you invite anyone else as your plus one for the party?”

“No, why? Do you wanna go?”

“Yeah. I was thinking about it earlier.”

“Okay. It starts at ten.”

“So it’s gonna go pretty late, huh.”

“Yeah. There’ll be alcohol, too.”

“Are you planning on sleeping there?”

“Unless you want to take me home.”

“How much do you want to pay me?”

“I’ll be drunk, and you can do anything you want while I am. I’ll hopefully remember in the morning, but if I don’t, tell me. And I promise I won’t get mad, and nothing will change about our friendship.”

What does he think I want to do to him? “What do you think I’ll do?”

He held up his pointer finger and raised another finger for each point he made. “Probably take a lot of pictures, then cuddle, possibly give me an interview and record my answers knowing I am literally unable to lie.” 

“Fair. What if we fucked?”

“I’d smash. Not sober though.”

“Huh, you can’t handle my-” he turned to the side to show off his bulging bicep muscles, his arms had gotten pretty buff since high school- “achingly good looks sober, huh.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, so I’m right!” He turned back to the front and pulled up his shorts to show thighs that would make Daichi proud. “You think I’m ho-ot. You think I’m se-xy,” he sang. He pulled up his shirt to show his washboard abs. Hey, he worked out so he could do this to someone. “You wanna fuuuuck me.” 

“I’d prefer that to be your job.”

He let his shirt go to look at Hinata’s smirking face and stood in an exaggerated ‘defiance! Justice!’ pose and pointed at Hinata. He tried to bellow, “SILENCE, BOTTOM,” before laughing maniacally and over-the-top.

Hinata got up and walked to the living room of their apartment, clearly having heard the doorbell somehow over Kageyama’s screaming.

“Pizza’s here, Micropenis.” Kageyama immediately shut up, coming into the living room to see Hinata paying a flustered delivery boy. 

“Man, fuck you.”

“At least you got it right this time.”

Kageyama flipped him off before taking the box and putting it on the floor. This was pizza tradition, sitting on the floor eating pizza and putting on a movie. This time Kageyama propped his phone up on the wall and turned the volume up so they could hear the opening music to Frozen playing. They had both seen the movie too many times, but it was Hinata’s favorite so Kageyama allowed it. 

He had really softened up since high school.

A couple slices and sing-alongs later, they had to start getting ready for the party. Kageyama put the empty pizza box on the table and stood up, grabbing his phone when he went into his room. 

“KaGeYaMA!!!1!!1! wAnNa MaTcH??!?!?!?”

Clearly Hinata still hasn’t grasped how small their apartment was. He felt the idiotic screaming in his soul, and he knew the neighbors probably could too. “SHUT THE FUCK UP I CAN HEAR YOU FINE NORMALLY DUMB FUCK!!”

“Oh okay!! Wanna match??”

“Like, clothes?”

“Yeah!!”

“Okay, what are you wearing?”

Hinata didn’t answer, instead strutted into Hinata’s room wearing worn red converse with black skinny jeans with rips in them. He had a plain black tee that said ‘my eyes are up here’ on it tucked into the pants, and a plaid red/black flannel. His hair was its normal mess, and he went light on the makeup. He had some barely-there red eyeshadow and eyeliner(with a modest wing) and some mascara on the top and bottom lashes to create a subtle look that matched his shoes, flannel, and hair. Pretty well thought out. 

“Got it.” Kageyama changed into black skinny jeans(without rips because he was classy) and tucked in a black tee that said “got milk?”. He threw a blue/black flannel on it and headed to the bathroom for makeup and accessories. He tried for the same look Hinata had but with blue eyeshadow, and added a simple black choker, a chain necklace(like, actual inch long hardware chains. We die like men), stud earrings that looked like screws, plus three tiny black studs going up both ears. He put a little rod-earring into the industrial piercing on his left ear, and looked himself over. He looked good and edgy. “Ready.”

“It’s about fucking time.” Hinata got up from his seat on the couch, putting his phone in his back pocket and walking to the door. Kageyama put on his blue converse after getting his phone and locked the door behind him. 

This would be a fun night.


	2. hand in my pocket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hinata gets some feels and kageyama is nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt want to write a party scene uwu sorry

“You should have just worn your white converse so I could wear mine.”

“Nobody was stopping you from wearing your white converse, Bakageyama.”

“We wouldn’t be matching if I wore mine.”

“So you’re saying it’s my fault.”

“Isn’t it always?”

“You shouldn’t wear them anyways, especially since they’re all wet from when you walked home.”

“But they’re comfy.”

“Then wear your damn white converse. I don’t care. You didn’t even have to come tonight if you didn’t want to.” Hinata’s tone was snappy, and his words shut them both up for at least three blocks. The concrete was slick with rain, the small puddles littering the ground were still. It was a perfect, warm, still night.

Kageyama felt tense, and he knew Hinata wasn’t too happy either. Being Hinata’s best friend for as long as Kageyama had had taught him some things about how Hinata acts. They could basically communicate telepathically at this point, and it didn’t take a genius to see something was wrong with Hinata. 

First, he looked at the ground when he walked. Hinata never looked at the floor when he walked. He either looked straight ahead or looked around at the scenery. He never looked down, so that’s one off thing. 

Second, his hands were in his pockets. He never put his hands in his pockets, saying it looked “too edgy for his aesthetic”, and when his hands were cold he would put them in his friends’ pockets. 

Third, he was walking apart from Kageyama. Usually when they walked, or when Hinata walked with any one of his friends for that matter, Hinata would walk so close they would bump shoulders. Hinata was a very physical person, his upbringing was in that of a very close, happy family, and he learned from them to show his affections through physical contact. Today, though, he walked with his small shoulders a good foot away from Kageyama’s broader ones. Kageyama even tried getting closer to him, but Hinata kept his distance. 

The tension was killing him. Eventually, he spoke up. “Boke, what’s wrong.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. More like ‘something’s wrong. Tell me.’

“Nothing.” He took his hands out of his pockets like that would do anything to tell Kageyama he was fine. 

“It’s not nothing. Something happened.”

“Nothing happened.” His lean fingers were fiddling with a loose thread on his jeans.

“I’m not dumb. Something happened.”

“Maybe I just don’t want to tell you.”

“Is it about me?”

“No.”

“So what’s the harm?”

“Stop, Kageyama.” His voice broke, and wasn’t stern. It was desperate, but not for words. So Kageyama leaned over and took his smaller hand into his own and pulled Hinata close enough so he could comfortably rest their hands in Kageyama’s right coat pocket. He intertwined their fingers and asked again.

“Are you okay?”

Hinata’s hand released whatever tension was there, feeling the little pebble that he had given Kageyama when he went to the Japan youth training camp for the best of the best. Kageyama had said it was stupid because they would still see each other during school hours but Hinata insisteed that he keep it so he’ll think of him when he held it. Kageyama acted nonchalant about it but in reality he cherished it. He took it everywhere he went, along with the little ladybug pin that Natsu gave him the first time he went to Hinata’s house. He kept that in his chest pocket though, since he wanted to always have it but worried that it would break in his pocket. 

“You still have this?” Hinata said quietly. 

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I gave this to you so long ago though. And you always lose things.”

“Three years isn’t that long, and I don’t lose important things.”

“It’s literally a pebble.”

“It’s your pebble.”

“You’re being a sap.”

“Maybe.”

Hinata stopped them and stood close to Kageyama, in front of him now. He rested his forehead on his chest, sighing. “I don’t really want to go to this party anymore.” 

“We can go home.”

“But there are no more buses.”

“We walked here. It’s only been like ten blocks.” Hinata was undoubtedly athletic but he was goddamn lazy. “Come on, you can put your hand in my pocket.”

Hinata groaned but put his hand in Kageyama’s pocket anyway, basking in the sanctuary against the crisp air. It made him really happy that Kageyama kept the pebble. It was so insignificant but so special at the same time, and it made his heart flutter to know that someone loved him enough to keep something like that for as long as Kageyama had. 

Hinata loved Kageyama. They walked the line between platonic and not relatively often, but were close enough to not let it affect anything. People often mistook their friendship for a romantic relationship, but that wasn’t the case. Hinata was sure Kageyama wouldn’t mind dating him and he knew he   
wouldn’t mind dating Kageyama, but dating your best friend isn’t always the best. Who do you vent about your relationship to when your best friend is the person you would vent about?

Hinata focused on the warm feeling of Kageyama’s hand enveloping his, and his mind went to dark places. What if Kageyama left him? He didn’t know what he would ever do if Kageyama stopped being a part of his life. He would be lost, sad, probably severely depressed, lonely. Kageyama was really the one he loved the most, he couldn’t think of loving someone as much as he loved Kageyama. What if Kageyama got hurt and couldn’t hold his hand anymore? What if he couldn’t speak, how would their friendship change? What if he lost the ability to move his limbs? He wouldn’t hug, help Hinata cook, eat pizza while watching Frozen, anything. Hinata squeezed Kageyama’s hand, whether it was to make sure he was there or not he didn’t know. Kageyama squeezed back.

“Tobio?”

“Hm?”

“You’re my favorite person.”

“Ditto.”

“Don’t ever leave me.”

“Dumbass, stop thinking like that. Focus on my hand or something.”

So he did. He let all coherent thought leave his mind, and just let himself sink into the quiet night. He listened carefully for every tiny splash when they stepped in a puddle. A car somewhere far away honked its horn. The night was completely still, silent, and the air was crisp. He pressed his shoulder against Kageyama’s. He didn’t catch Kageyama’s relieved smile.

When they got back to their apartment, Kageyama took off his shoes and went to the bathroom to take off his makeup and brush his teeth. Hinata joined him, looking him straight in the eyes in their nightly staring contest during teeth-brushing. 

“Goo you wawwa wash a moowie?” Toothpaste dribbled down Hinata’s chin.

“Wha?”

Now Hinata used his hands to try and use some idiotic form of sign language. “Goo YOU” he pointed to Kageyama, “wawwa wash a moowie??” he imitated watching something on a phone.

Kageyama aggressively spat out his toothpaste and whipped his head to Hinata. “What?” Hinata also spat and turned to Kageyama, who was turning on the tap. 

“Do you wanna watch a movie?”

“Another?” He turned the tap off when all the toothpaste was gone. 

“Why not?”

“Can we watch The Office?” He walked out of the bathroom.

“Sure.” Hinata followed him, turning the light off and shutting the door with a soft click.

They went to Kageyama’s room, where Kageyama was starting to change into his night clothes. Hinata saw him and turned right around to go to his room to change. He put on a pair of gray sweatpants and neglected a shirt. 

He went back to his friend’s room and took a sweater off the back of his desk chair. “I’m stealing this.” Kageyama glanced up, but seemed to not mind. The sweater was the yellowish one Kageyama always wore during practice their first year of high school, and he loved the nostalgia that came with it.   
And it had Kageyama’s scent permanently sealed in the worn fabric, which was a solid plus. 

Kageyama’s scent was soothing to Hinata, he smelled like stale cologne and floor tiles and volleyballs and salt. It was cozy and he loved it. 

Hinata hopped over Kageyama, who was already lying in bed and pulled the covers over them. Kageyama put his left arm out so Hinata could use it as a pillow, and held the phone up with his right. It was open to Netflix, and Kageyama was trying to find the show. Hinata got himself comfy in the   
meantime. He nestled his head into the crook of Kageyama’s neck, and took a deep breath. He felt all his muscles release their tension as he took in Kageyama’s scent. “It was because my ex was gonna be there.”

“Mm?”

“Hyakuzawa. He was gonna be there, and I didn’t wanna go. Kou told me when you were getting ready. Akaashi was there too.”

“Damn, I would have liked seeing Keiji again.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, idiot.”

Hinata didn’t respond, just cuddled up to Kageyama’s side and looked at the phone as it started to play the cold open.

hi i made art for this chapter u.u  
https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipO8LZ-NbmpcuT6c1KQbhZ_vTRZjk8GhL9JD4ojb


	3. coffee?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ughhh this was gonna be angsty and then i decided against it

Hinata woke up the following morning, still cuddled up to Kageyama. Kageyama had turned in his sleep and had rested his head on Hinata’s, and wrapped his strong arms around the boy. Hinata had a hand on Kageyama’s chest and the other arm wrapped around his waist. It was warm and calm and just nice.

Of course, all good things have to come to an end. Kageyama’s 7am alarm blared through the silent apartment, cutting through the peace that filled the room. Kageyama groaned and shifted, feeling around blindly for his phone. When he got it, he pressed snooze and tiredly dropped the phone back on the bed. 

“I don’t want to get up yet,” Hinata said.

“Mm, me neither.”

And then it was quiet.

Kageyama loved Hinata’s hair. It was so bright and soft and smelled nice. Vaguely like the citrus shampoo he uses, more like sleep and copper and antiques.

Eventually they did have to get up, Kageyama got dressed while Hinata brushed his teeth, then vice versa. Neither had any classes on Saturdays until the late afternoon, so Hinata made plans.

When he walked into the main room, Kageyama was standing in the kitchen making coffee in a big desaturated blue sweatshirt and black capris. “Coffee?”

“Please.”

Kageyama didn’t spare him a glance when he got a second mug out of the cupboard and put two spoonfuls of chocolate syrup into it. Hinata walked over to Kageyama and   
wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his forehead on the bone where his neck and back meet. Kageyama rested his hands where Hinata’s met each other, comfortably holding Hinata’s smaller ones. 

Kageyama loved Hinata. This has been established. He loved how spontaneous he was and he had an infinite list of little things he did that he loved. Like how he always wrapped both hands around the cup when he drank hot beverages, and how his face scrunches in concentration when he does homework, and how when he hugged people he never held back. 

When their coffee was done, Kageyama took both by the handle and walked to the table to put them down. Hinata groaned at the loss of a pillow but just followed Kageyama and sat on the floor. The table they had was low enough to sit cross legged and be comfortable. 

Hinata took his cup, a white one with “dumbass” printed on it that he and Kageyama bought off of Amazon. Kageyama thought it was fitting and Hinata thought it was funny so they bought it. It was the same story for Kageyama’s cup, which had a picture of a milk carton and “dumb bitch juice” printed on it.

Hinata closed his eyes and let the first sip of the chocolatey beverage sink into his soul. It was calming and nice and he loved the feeling. When he opened his eyes, Kageyama was looking right at him.

Hinata didn’t know that Kageyama was adding more to his list of little things he loved about him. They didn’t talk for a minute or two, just enjoyed their coffee and the quiet morning atmosphere. 

Their apartment was quaint. They paid for it with their part time jobs, both Hinata and Kageyama worked as baristas at a small cafe called Nekoshira, and Kageyama also did tutoring while Hinata worked at a local club as the bartender, and sometimes a waiter. A lot of their friends worked at Nekoshira, Akaashi, Bokuto, Tsukishima, Kenma, Suga and Goshiki, and Yamaguchi worked with Hinata at the club, which was called Jonetsu.

The two bedroom apartment had surprisingly low rent, though maybe it’s not surprising because the area they live in isn’t the safest. Both had great senses to see if they’re being followed because of it.

“I made plans with Kou and Akaashi for noon.”

“Okay.” He took a sip. “Where?”

“Nekoshira. I have a shift at 1:30 so it’s convenient.”

“Okay. I have tutoring at three, so that works well.”

“Who are you tutoring?”

“Suga.”

“Eh???!? Suga’s so smart though!!”

“He’s having trouble understanding some physics concepts and formulas. Right now I’m helping him with magnetic fields and magnetic phenomena.”

“Ugh. Sounds boring.”

“It’s interesting if you’re interested in physics.”

“I’m not.”

“So there you go.”

They were quiet again. This was usually how it was on weekend mornings, since work was lighter on weekends and Nekoshira’s night shift didn’t end until nine. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you go to the party last night.”

“You already apologized. And plus, the only person I was looking forward to seeing was Keiji, and we’re seeing him in,” he glanced at the little white clock they bought at Ikea along with the rest of their minimal furniture, “two hours. It’s fine, really.”

“I still feel bad.”

“Don’t.”

Hinata gave Kageyama a self-pitying look and took a sip of his coffee. When he put the mug down he looked at Kageyama. Specifically at his eyes. They were so pretty, like tiny night skies refined to only a drop. “Kageyama, your eyes are pretty.”

“You say that a lot.”

“Well they are.”

“Yours are too.”

“No, they’re brown and dumb.” Hinata never liked his eyes, ever since Natsu had said that they were “poopy” before she learned the word ‘brown’.

“They’re bright.”

“Thanks, but you’re wrong.” He took a couple gulps of coffee, getting closer to the end of his cup.

“I’m right. And drink slower.”

“Ughhhh Kageyamaa!! I’m the older one, I should be making the decisions!!”

“You act like a toddler.”

“So do you!!”

“A smarter toddler than you then.”

“Ughh.”

“I win.”

“You won’t next time.”

“We’ll see.”

Hinata smiled to himself, and looked at the little wooden table they sat at. Then he took his last sip of coffee and put it in the sink. “I’m gonna get ready.”

“Okay.”

After changing his outfit at least seven times, Hinata settled on what he was originally wearing: a (way too big for him) bright yellow hoodie with “:)” printed on it in black and blue skinny jeans. Paired with his red converse, Hinata rocked a good ol’ primary color scheme. Kageyama didn’t change at all, sticking with his black capris and big gray hoodie. He put his white converse on and waited by the door for Hinata to put everything he needed in an eggshell white canvas bag that said “gucci” in comic sans. 

Kageyama locked the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu this is gonna be long i can sense it


	4. i can be better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sads. there's sads.

Hinata and Kageyama stopped outside their door, realizing how early they were. Kageyama took his phone out of his back pocket and checked the time before putting it back and looking at Hinata. “We have an hour and a half.”

“Wanna go to a diner?”

“Sure. Gracie’s?”

“Yep.”

As they walked, Kageyama started to wonder about Hinata’s past relationship. He had only had one as far as he knew, and it was with Hyakuzawa. He knew they broke up after almost three months, but he didn’t know why. He didn’t want to ask, since it might have brought up unwanted memories. It was far enough back now, right?

“Hinata.”

“Hm?” Hinata turned his head happily to Kageyama.

“Why did you break up with Hyakuzawa?”

Hinata’s happy expression fell into a flat one. He spoke as if his words pained him, but still said them without hesitation. It was Kageyama, he knew everything about him. “He wouldn’t take initiative to do anything.”

Well that’s vague. “What do you mean?”

“We dated for like three months, and he didn’t even hold my hand.” Hinata started to look at the floor as he kept walking.

Kageyama--having been under the impression that Hinata and Hyakuzawa had fucked--was a bit shocked, but he wouldn’t show it. “Did you do anything with him?”

“No, nothing.”

“Oh.”

Hinata rose his eyes to look in front of him again, but his expression was still empty. “Yeah. We broke up because you know me and I wanna be intimate with someone if I’m in a relationship with them.”  
Kageyama really contemplated his next words. On one hand, he could offer the kind of comfort that a friend could give, but on the other, he could offer a relationship. He loved Hinata, and he knew Hinata loved him too, but what if Hianta’s love was strictly platonic? But then what did he mean when he said “I’d smash but not sober”? Kageyama was confused. But not enough to make him choose the first hand.

He pushed Hinata gently but sternly enough into a nearby brick wall to get his point across. His large hand reached almost across Hinata’s entire chest, he noticed. He leaned his head down to have his lips be so close to Hinata’s he could feel the hitch in the smaller boy’s breath. He looked Hinata straight in the eyes.

“I can be better than him.” 

“What?” Hinata’s voice was airy, out of breath. His eyes were far from empty now, swirling with a plethora of emotions.

“I can be a better boyfriend than Hyakuzawa.” He trailed his eyes down to Hinata’s parted lips. “If you’ll let me.”

Hinata’s head was spinning. He loved Kageyama so much, and of course he wanted him to be his boyfriend, but what if this wasn’t real? What if Kageyama was only doing this because he was trying to get Hinata’s mind off of Hyakuzawa?

What if Kageyama didn’t love him like that?

Hinata broke the tension by leaning his forehead on Kageyama’s. Kageyama’s sharp eyes flitted right back up to meet his gaze. Then Hinata finally spoke, and the sea of emotions in his eyes washed away to reveal a pure, untainted, quiet sadness.“I’m really sorry.”

Kageyama backed off immediately, standing up straight. “Okay.” He kept his voice flat, but those three words absolutely shattered his heart. So Hinata didn’t love him like that, huh. 

“Kageyama-”

“It’s fine. I’ll meet you at Nekoshira at twelve.” Kageyama’s voice was monotonous and straight to the point. He turned and began to walk away.

“Kageyama-”

“Do whatever you want until then.”

“Kageyama!”

“What?!” He turned back to Hinata, clearly pent up.

Hinata paused, looking at Kageyama’s shoes before getting the courage to look him in the eyes. He lifted his gaze to meet Kageyama’s, noticing how closed off it was. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and sad. “I’m really sorry.”

Kageyama’s face became aggravated and he turned back. “I heard you the first time.”

Hinata watched his receding figure walk to the end of the block, then turn the corner. He didn’t even spare Hinata a glance.

Hinata, who was holding his emotions together with duct tape at this point, resorted to calling the only other person he was comfortable with. 

He messily dialed the number with shaky fingers, and held the phone up to his ear.

Ring.

Ring.

Click. “Hinata?” 

Hinata didn’t answer, knowing that speaking might break the rickety dam he built to keep the tsunami of feelings at bay.

“Hinata, are you okay?”

That did it. Hinata let out a sob, the first tear rolling down his cheek. The dam started to leak, then break. Hinata started fully sobbing on the phone. 

“Hinata, what’s wrong?”

“Can y-you come pick-ck m-me up?” Through his sadness, Hinata realized it was really hard to speak clearly while having a mental breakdown.

“Of course, of course uhhhhh where are you??” He sounded stressed through the crappy phone audio. 

“Uhh, YYY R-Road and thirt-tieth.”

“Thirtieth three-zero or thirteenth one-three?”

“Thr-ree zero.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in ten.”

The call ended and Hinata backed up against the brick wall. He remembered how close Kageyama had been. How close he had been to kissing him. How shut off his emotions were when Hinata said no. Hinata was convinced that Kageyama didn’t really love him like that, but then why would he do that? Hinata thought it was because he was his friend and thought he needed a rebound and was willing to be that rebound but didn’t really love him romantically.

He spiraled into this train of thought until he saw his friend approaching him. Well, his friend and… him.

He saw the pair coming towards him, the cynical beanpole making them easily visible, and the concerned face of his friend rushing towards him. 

“Hinata!”

Hinata stood and accepted the crushing hug with open arms. He continued crying into his arms, before realizing he couldn’t breathe. 

“Yamaguchi, you’re crushing him.”

Yamaguchi immediately stopped hugging him, and held him at arm’s distance by his shoulders. “Hinata, you look terrible. What happened??”

Something about Yamaguchi’s freckled face and the expression he wore just made Hinata want to spill his entire life to him. 

“I brought Tsukki since he gives really good hugs.”

Hinata looked at Tsukishima, who was behind Yamaguchi with his arms open. Hinata took the opportunity and fell into Tsukishima, who held him surely. 

“Do you want to come back to our house?”

Hinata only nodded and cried more into Tsukishima’s chest. When he wasn’t sobbing like before, Hinata cried silently; the only way you knew that he was crying was his erratic breathing and his sniffling.

Yamaguchi called a taxi and within ten minutes they were at Yamaguchi’s and Tsukishima’s house. Tsukishima showed a surprising amount of willingness to cuddle Hinata, but maybe it was because of the state he was in. Tsukishima took a seat on the two person couch they had, and patted his lap. Hinata saw the gesture and straddled Tsukishima, wrapping his legs around the taller boy’s waist. Yamaguchi sat down beside them, then spoke.

“Hinata, what happened?”

Hinata took a single glance at Yamaguchi before the dam broke again. Every emotion came flooding back, and Hinata let out a heart-wrenching sob. Then another. Sobs wracked his small body as he clung to Tsukishima’s tan sweatshirt for dear life, burying his forehead in his shoulder. Tsukishima rubbed slow circles on his back as Hinata tried to speak. Yamaguchi rested a comforting hand on his thigh.

“Kagey-yama asked m-me about how Hyakuzaw-wa and I broke u-up, and I s-aid it was bec-cause he n-never held my ha-nd,” he gasped for air before continuing. “So then Kageyam-ma said th-that he could be,” he sniffed, “be a bet-ter boyfrien-d than h-him andthenhealmostkissedmeandisaidnoandhelookedreallysad.” Hinata sobbed again into Tsukishima’s shoulder, grabbing fistfuls of his soft sweatshirt. Though Hinata said that last part fast, both boys understood. He was sobbing because he was sad that Kageyama was sad. Neither responded for a while, just let him cry his heart out into Tsukishima’s shoulder. When he was done, Yamaguchi spoke softly.

“Are you okay?”

Hinata nodded and wiped his stuffy nose with his sleeve. He sniffed, barely being able to breathe through all the snot that had accumulated. He looked at Tsukishima. “Sorry.” He breathed out through his mouth.

“It’s fine.”

“You do give really good hugs.”

“Thanks.”

“Told you,” Yamaguchi butted in.

Hinata smiled at him as he dismounted Tsukishima, before noticing the wet spot on the blonde’s sweatshirt. “Fuck, my bad. I’ll clean it if you want-”

“It’s fine.”

“Oh, okay. Um, thank you.” Hinata was stammering, embarrassed that he had melted like this in front of Yamaguchi and literally on Tsukishima.

“So what happened? It was hard to understand before.” Yamaguchi looked Hinata directly in the eyes with a pressing but almost motherly look. He probably learned that from Suga.

“Kageyama and I were walking to the diner, and he asked me about Hyakuzawa. Why we broke up. It was because our relationship wasn’t intimate, like there was nothing physical happening. He didn’t even hold my hand for the entire time we were dating, so we decided to break up. It was simple and not too painful, but it’s still really awkward to see each other. Then Kageyama got really close to kissing me and said that he could be a better boyfriend than Hyakuzawa, but I think it’s just him being a good guy and not wanting me to dwell on past relationships. Either way, I think what he said was out of pity that I’m newly single and not that he actually, uh,” he said the last part softly, “loves me.”

“How did he say it again?” Yamaguchi inquired. It was clear he was also trying to figure this out, while Tsukishima wore an expression like he was saying ‘it’s so obvious, why can’t you idiots figure this out’.

“He looked me in the eyes and said ‘I can be a better boyfriend than Hyakuzawa’, then he paused for a second and added ‘if you’ll let me’.”

“Weird. It doesn’t seem like he’s asking to be your boyfriend, more like he’s telling you he would be a better boyfriend.”

“Right?? It’s so confusing.”

“Yeah. Well maybe he’s being genuine but didn’t phrase it quite right?”

“Maybe.”

“You do love him romantically though, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm.”

“Why would you say no even if he didn’t mean it genuinely?” Tsukishima looked at Hinata with a piercing look, like he could see right through the distressed boy.

“If I’m gonna have a relationship with Kageyama, I don’t want it to be one-sided.”

“That’s fair.”

“How can I know if he actually likes me?”

Tsukishima sighed. He and Hinata weren’t close, per say, but they didn’t mind each other nowadays, and they could trust each other with shit like this. “Have you tried calling him by his given name?”

“Tobio? I mean, yeah, but he hasn’t really reacted. I also really only call him that when I’m really serious or making a point that isn’t trivial.”

“But he listens?”

“Yeah, but I think it’s because he knows that when I use it that he should listen.”

“Still.”

“Still what?”

“Nevermind.”

“Tsukishimaaa!! Stingyshima. You’re Stingyshima.”

“Okay.”

“I hate you.”

“You more.”

They gave each other devilish smirks, then Yamaguchi spoke before they could maul each other to death. “Hinata, do you wanna come watch a movie with us? It starts at noon.”

“Tempting, but I can’t. I’m seeing Akaashi and Kou at noon.”

“Is Kageyama gonna be there?” Yamaguchi frowned a bit at the decline of the movie offer, but still asked.

“Yeah.”

“That’ll be fun.”

“Shut up, Stingyshima.”

“No you.”

“Fuck off.”

Yamaguchi laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i needed soft tsukki for my health ok


	5. ice in your milk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heehee.

Kageyama tried to act tough around Hinata, to try to get the point across that he wasn’t actually that sad about his decline, but he was fucking devastated. He held in his emotions until he turned the corner, out of sight of Hinata. He whipped out his phone and called his only other friend he considered close enough to cry to. 

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

“Tobio, hello.”

“Hey. Can you come to Nekoshira early?” If Akaashi heard the quiver in his voice, he didn’t show it.

“Yes. I’ll be there in five.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Kageyama put his phone back in his pocket and walked to Nekoshira. He ordered his usual black coffee, his second cup today he realized, and Akaashi’s matcha latte that he always got. After a minute or two, Miya put the drinks on the counter. “You good there, Yamayama?”

“Fine. And how many times do I have to tell you to call me Kageyama?” He took the drinks.

“You look mad. And how many times do I have to tell you to call me Atsumu?”

“We’re not on first name basis.”

“Then call me ‘Tsumu.”

“That’s literally the same thing.” Kageyama looked at him like he was dumb. Which he was.

“But Yamayama, everyone has a nickname for me!!” He leaned against the counter with one hand and put the back of the other over his eyes, like a maiden in distress.

“So mine for you is Miya.”

Atsumu deflated. “Yamayama, at least call me something other than Miya. Even Bokuto has a nickname for me.”

Right on time, Bokuto strolled into the cafe with Akaashi behind him. “Yo, asshole!”

Atsumu turned to him. “Bokuto-chan!!” The cutesy nickname made Bokuto fume with fake anger. 

“You’re lucky you’re the one who’s gonna make my mocha with extra whip and a croissant so I can’t punch you.”

Akaashi began to order, “Miya-san, I’ll have a matcha-” he was interrupted by Kageyama pushing his drink into his hand. “Oh, nevermind. Thanks Tobio.”

“You too!! Call me Atsumu!!”

“We’re not on that level.”

“We could be.” Atsumu smirked and winked at Akaashi. Bokuto stepped right between them, and Atsumu’s eyes rose to meet Bokuto’s, which were genuinely angry now.

“Don’t try that shit with me.” His hands tightened into fists, and he tensed his whole muscular body to look bigger.

“You seem a bit over-protective. Little Akaashi over there is an independent man, I don’t see your name on him.” There goes Atsumu, throwing gas onto a fire, as always. Bokuto, instead of fighting back, simply turned and walked over to Akaashi, grabbing him roughly by the waist and kissed him passionately and roughly, shoving his tongue into the shorter man’s mouth. Akaashi yelped in surprise, and Bokuto stopped kissing him and turned him with his dazed expression towards Atsumu. 

“See that face? He only makes that with me. And maybe my name isn’t on him, but,” he pulled the neck of Akaashi’s shirt to the side a bit and gingerly but surely tilted his head to the side, revealing a ton of hickies, old and new. Akaashi looked like his neck area had been mauled, which it kind of had. “I marked him up enough to let anyone who comes even close to him know he’s mine.” His voice was malicious and protective, and you knew that if anyone so much as touched Akaashi he would not hesitate to beat the everloving shit out of them.

Akaashi put his hand on Bokuto’s, which was holding his shirt neck, and spoke softly. Bokuto immediately loosened his grip, putting the hand that was on Akaashi’s head to rest on the boy’s shoulder, and took Akaashi’s hand like it was porcelain with the other. “Bokuto-san, please don’t be so vulgar in public.”

“Sorry, ‘Kaashi.”

Atsumu made Bokuto’s order after he paid, and put the drink and the croissant on the counter with a smile. When Bokuto came to retrieve the items, Atsumu looked him in the eyes and apologized softly. 

Bokuto gave him an appreciative smile before nodding and going back to sit with Akaashi and Kageyama. 

“So, Tobio.” Akaashi started, looking at Kageyama expectantly.

“It’s Hinata.” Kageyama looked at his hands wrapped around his drink. 

“What about him? Is he okay?” Bokuto chimed in. Akaashi took a sip of his latte.

“Uh, yeah he’s good.” Kageyama gripped the paper cup tighter. Akaashi, ever perceptive, noticed the change and looked at Bokuto.

“I can go if you want.” Bokuto looked at Akaashi as the boy nodded, to which Bokuto responded with a smile. “Okay. I’ll be off then.” He kissed the top of Akaashi’s head before he left.

When he heard the bell of the door chime, he closed his eyes and took a breath. “Keiji, I really love him.”

“I know. What did you do?” He took off his circular wire glasses, folded them, and set them on the wooden table. He interlocked his fingers and put his elbows on the table, resting his hands against his mouth. “Talk to me.”

“I asked him about Hyakuzawa, then I said I could be a better boyfriend.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“I almost kissed him.”

“Nevermind. Why almost?”

“He rejected me.” Kageyama’s eyes fell to his lap, and Akaashi noticed the twitch in his bottom lip.

“Do you want to take a walk?” 

Kageyama immediately nodded, taking his drink and swiftly leaving the cafe. He distantly heard Akaashi thank Atsumu on his way out.

They walked in silence, leaving Akaashi to try to put the pieces together. Hinata rejected him? Bokuto and Hinata were relatively close, so he knew Hinata liked Tobio. So why would he reject him? The only viable reason he could think of would be that he thought Tobio was lying. Would he really reach that conclusion, though? It entirely depended on what Tobio said and when he said it. And he almost kissed him, huh. Akaashi was confused, but he would wait until Tobio wasn’t about to break down to ask him. He looked at Tobio without turning his head. He was concentrating hard on the ground ahead of him.

Tobio unexpectedly turned into a small alley between two run-down pre war buildings. Akaashi, not missing a beat, followed him and leaned against the rough brick. Tobio stood on the other wall. Though they stood   
with their backs to the walls, their chests were still only one or two feet apart. 

Kageyama kept a mostly straight face, making absolutely no sound as he avoided eye contact. A tear slipped down his cheek. Then another. Kageyama still had no reaction, as if he didn’t know he was crying. Akaashi took the single step over to his friend and pulled him into a hug. 

“Keiji, I really loved him.”

Akaashi petted the younger boy to console him, knowing it reminded him of his mother.

“What am I gonna do? How am I gonna see him?” Akaashi didn’t respond, only let the shorter vent and cry into his chest while he threaded his slim fingers through his dark hair. “He probably hates me.”

“He doesn’t.” Akaashi looked down at Kageyama’s head, noticing his trembling shoulders. 

“He does. He probably thinks I’m disgusting.” Akaashi stopped petting him and took his face in his hands. He looked like a mess. 

“The only reason he would think you’re disgusting is that you put ice in your milk.” Kageyama half-laughed-half-sobbed, his smile squished between Akaashi’s hands on his cheeks. Akaashi wiped away his tears with his thumbs. He gave a smile that can only be described as motherly to the crying boy. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know.” Kageyama put his hands on Akaashi’s, not moving them. He looked at him with such a vulnerable expression, but one that only said one thing. “Thank you.”

“I love you.” Kageyama laughed again at such a blunt response, letting go of Akaashi’s hands and wiping the sadness of his face with his. Akaashi smiled.

“Ditto.” He genuinely appreciated Keiji, and didn’t know what he would ever do without him. 

“It’s just a misunderstanding, you’ll get through it.” Akaashi straightened his glasses. Kageyama looked at him, confused. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll make sense later.” Kageyama looked forward again. “What do you wanna do?”

“There’s a cat cafe somewhere near here. I saw it on the internet a couple days ago.”

“Wanna go?”

“Yeah.”

“Lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like feels ok


	6. felt like i lost you for a sec there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter today, sorry.

Hinata walked to Nekoshira with what felt like a fucking boulder in the pit of his stomach. He walked stiffly, his legs not really going the way he wanted them to but he blamed it on half of his brain thinking about every possible scenario. 

The worst one would be if Kageyama didn’t show up, he decided. Then he would know he really did hurt him. The bell at the door sounded distant when he arrived. Everything sounded distant, actually. Like he was in the backseat of his own consciousness. 

He blinked, snapping back to a reality of Atsumu waving his hand in front of Hinata’s face. “Hinata?”

“Yeah, sorry. Hi.” He gave a weak smile, tilting his head and letting his eyes close to try to play it off as being tired.

“Felt like I lost you for a sec there.” He smiled.

“Just tired.”

“Whatever you say. What can I get for ya?” 

“Just a mocha, please.” Hinata started fiddling around his pants pockets for the five bucks he put there this morning.

“Sure. What size?” Atsumu turned to the stacks of cups, waiting for Hinata’s response.

“Medium. Thanks.”

Atsumu took a medium cup and walked over to the coffee machine. “Extra whip?”

“Sure.”

He ran the coffee machine, the tiny stream of saturated coffee creating a warm aroma that made Hinata visibly relax, if only a little. “You know, you have the same order as Bokuto-san.” Atsumu didn’t look up at   
Hinata when he talked.

Hinata noticed how Atsumu called him Bokuto-san and not Bokuto-chan like he usually did when the high-energy guy was around. So he just does it to tease him, Hinata thought. He smiled a little. “That’s cool.” 

A faint ringing in his ears had started when he was with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, and it hadn’t really subsided yet. Though he was a bit happier than when he came in, he still felt like he was underwater. A couple minutes passed, and Atsumu put his mocha on the counter. Hinata thanked him and gave him his five bucks. “Thank you.” He nodded to express his thanks, and started to walk away when he was called back.

“Hinata, wait a sec.” 

Hinata turned and looked at Atsumu, confused. Atsumu hurriedly put the five dollars in the register before stepping out from behind the counter. He walked past Hinata, towards the bathrooms. 

“Come here for a sec.”

Hinata, not having anything better to do at the moment, put his drink at a table and followed the taller boy. They stepped into the men’s bathroom and Atsumu closed the door behind them. He proceeded to back Hinata into the tiled wall, his obvious height advantage making it easy.

He cupped both of Hinata’s cheeks with his hands. Hinata looked anywhere but Atsumu, before feeling the pressure of the hands on his cheeks go away for a second. He saw Atsumu hold his hands forearm’s length from Hinata’s cheeks before bringing them back hard, slapping Hinata with a force stronger than one of Ushijima’s hits. The ringing in his ears stopped.

“What the fuck, man?!” He laid his hand on his left cheek to try to soothe the pain. 

Atsumu looked down at Hinata, whose cheeks were an angry red under the fluorescent bathroom lighting. “You were out of it. I don’t know what’s going on, but you’ll get through it. Don’t give up.” He ruffled Hinata’s hair with his large hand before exiting the bathroom, leaving Hinata stunned behind him.

He knew Atsumu had no idea what was going on with him, but somehow that boy knew exactly what to say. Hinata took a breath and left the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He took a seat at the table he left his drink at, taking a sip. The world was much clearer than it was when he entered the bathroom. 

He noticed a bit of writing under his hand when he put his cup back down. He moved his thumb to read the sharpie. It read: Hinata- Don’t give up!

There was a tiny drawing of a black jersey with the number ten on it. Hinata smiled at his cup, then looked at Atsumu, who was taking some woman’s order. When he went to grab a cup, he glanced at Hinata.

‘Thank you’, Hinata mouthed.

Atsumu just nodded before making the drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eee i love atsumu


	7. tying his apron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tsukki got a great ass

It was a few minutes before Hinata’s cheeks stopped stinging, and a few more until Bokuto walked in. Without Akaashi, Hinata realized.

“Sho-chan!!” Bakuto exclaimed, holding-- was that a Nekoshira cup? One of the disposable ones, too, so he must have been here earlier. Why would he have been here?

“Kou-kun!!” Hinata pushed the thought to the back of his mind, setting his cup on the table and getting up to hug Bokuto. It was always such a nice experience to hug Bokuto, since he was so big in every way. It felt like he was hugging a teddy bear. A warm, happy, loud, strong, kind teddy bear. Hinata’s heart swelled. “Kou-kun, I love you!”

Bokuto looked down at the ginger, clearly taken by utter surprise at the statement.

“Platonically,” Hinata added.

Bokuto nodded in confirmation. “I love you too, Sho-chan! Platonically.”

That was another thing about Bokuto: he never questioned things. If people needed to say something, he never asked why they needed to say it, he just listened. 

They broke the hug and sat down at the table Hinata was sitting at before. A booth.

“So Kou-kun, how was your morning?” Hinata rested his cheek on a loose fist with his elbow on the table.

Bokuto imitated Hinata’s gesture, resting his cheek on his palm dramatically and happily. “It was good, Akaashi and I came here like an hour ago to meet Kageyama, actually. They should be on their way here now, I left because it wasn’t my business. How was your morning?”

Kageyama told Akaashi and Bokuto to meet him here? If Kou left in the beginning, then it means Kageyama didn’t call him, so Kageyama had to have called Akaashi only and Kou came anyway. An hour ago… that was after the incident. So he called Akaashi after the incident? What if Akaashi thinks I’m a monster now because I said no? I’m sure he’s figured out that I love him by now, he’s the perceptive type. 

“Sho-chan?” Hinata snapped back to reality. Right. He was having a conversation.

“Yeah, sorry. I was with Kageyama this morning, then I met Yamaguchi and Tsukushima.”

Bokuto’s eyes widened in wonder. “Megane-kun!! I haven’t seen him in so long! Maybe I should throw another party and invite him, I miss him. And his ass.”

“His ass?”

“He’s got a great ass.”

“Whatever you say.”

“You don’t think so?! It’s so,,,,,,, squeezable!!”

“Aren’t you a literature major?”

“I’m an art history major. You know this.”

“That’s what I said. Literature major.”

“They’re different things!!!”

“Well you’re a junior in college. Learn words.”

“Like you’re much better!!”

“Excuse you, I speak three languages fluently.”

“I hate you.”

“Watashi mo kiraidesu.”

“You suck.”

“Você engole.”

“I have no idea what you just said.”

“Then I guess you’ll never know what I said.” Hinata gave Bokuto a shit eating grin before hearing the bell at the front door chime. 

“Hello, welcome to N-oh, it’s you guys again.” Atsumu greeted.

“Hello again, Miya-san.” Akaashi said, while Kageyama just nodded. He looked at Hinata, and Hinata immediately averted his eyes.

This was so awkward.

Akaashi and Kageyama walked over to the booth where Bokuto and Akaashi were sitting, and sat down. Akaashi sat first, scooching over so Kageyama could too.

Hinata and Kageyama held eye contact for a second, sharing pained glances at each other, before stopping to focus on Bokuto and Akaashi. 

“Akaashi-san, how are you?”

“Fine. You?”

“Good. Kou-kun and I were talking about how bad he is at English.”

Akaashi gave a small chuckle. “He’s dense, but his heart’s in the right place.”

“Akaashi…” Bokuto put a hand on his heart, touched.

“Don’t let it get to your head.” Bokuto slouched. 

Bokuto took one of the last sips of his mocha. “What did you guys do?”

“We went to a cat cafe,” Akaashi said, searching in his pocket for his phone.

“It was really fun,” Kageyama muttered, his cheeks flushing a little. Akaashi pulled up a picture of Kageyama smiling like a kid with candy, with a stormy gray cat in his lap. Akaashi scrolled through pictures of Kageyama with various cats. There was a picture of him booping noses with a cream colored one, and if that wasn’t the most wholesome thing Hinata had ever seen, then the one of him hugging the gray cat, the cream cat, and a black one with white speckles was. It was so pure, seeing Kageyama so happy like that. Through the happiness, though, Hinata noticed the faint signs  
Kageyama had been crying.

Slightly red around his eyes, and tired. But he looked like a child in a playhouse in that cafe, and goddammit he would get Akaashi to send him those pictures. 

Akaashi kept scrolling. There was a selfie of both of them, Akaashi holding up a peace sign with his arm resting loosely around Kageyama’s neck, while Kageyama held the cream cat with its paws up for the camera. Not to mention his smile. 

Hinata could see in his peripheral vision that Kageyama was watching how he was reacting to the pictures, and Hinata was probably visibly melting at them. How could he not. Look at that smile. Come on.

He looked at Kageyama suddenly, as if he was checking up on him. Kageyama looked away immediately, switching his attention to Akaashi’s phone. 

Once Akaashi had shown all the pictures, Bokuto introduced another topic of light conversation, and it went on like that until 1:20.

“I hate to go, but I have a shift starting in ten minutes.” Hinata started to get up. 

“Aw, okay Sho-chan. It was fun.” Bokuto waved. “Can you throw my cup out for me?”

Hinata took the empty cup that Bokuto held out for him, and nodded at Kageyama and Akaashi with a smile.

Akaashi waved, and Kageyama gave a small “Bye.”

Hinata turned around and, stopping at the trash can to throw out the cup, made his way to the staff lounge.

The room was only auditorily decorated by distant talking from the cafe. Hinata walked over to his locker(note: there are lockers because the cafe used to be a gym but it went out of business so now they use the lockers for the staff’s items), entering his code--1010-- and opening the door. He always left a clean white plain dress shirt and black slacks, along with a thin black tie and a black apron. That was the uniform here. 

He took off his shirt and shoes, putting on the button-up before taking off his pants. He put on the slacks before putting his shoes back on, getting the ordeal done fairly quickly. He checked his phone, which he had set on the inside of his locker. 1:29.

Hinata was tying his apron behind his back when Atsumu walked in, finishing his shift seeing that nobody was coming in. They could hear the bell clearly from the staff room, so they knew if a customer came in. 

“Hey Hinata.” Hinata turned to see Atsumu taking off his apron, setting it on the singular bench in the room before going to unlock his locker.

Having finished tying his apron, Hinata put his phone in his back pocket and walked calmly over to Atsumu, stopping right behind him. “Atsumu-san.”

“Hm?” Atsumu didn’t turn, opening his locker. “What’s up?” He turned to pick up his apron from the bench, stopping to face Hinata after doing so.

Hinata looked him in the eyes, saying nothing for a second before he slapped Atsumu as hard as he could. The taller man’s head snapped to the side at the impact, and he turned back to Hinata holding his cheek. 

“Ow!! What was that for?”

“That was payback from before. And this,” Hinata grabbed Atsumu’s tie and yanked him down to his lips, staying there for a moment before parting, a tiny string of saliva connecting them, “is what I wanted you to do.”

Atsumu looked dumbfounded. After a second he snapped back to his senses and tried to lean in for another kiss but Hinata put a hand over Atsumu’s mouth before he could. He started waving his pointer finger with the other hand.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Hinata said, as if scolding a child. “No PDA in the staff lounge.” Atsumu gave Hinata a dejected look before standing up straight again. Hinata took his phone out of his back pocket. “1:30. Gotta go. Have a good day.”

Hinata started to leave before Atsumu spoke. “Wait, Hinata!” Hinata turned, looking at him expectantly. “Do I have your number?”

Hinata smiled and laughed a little, fully turning around and reaching to get the pen that was sitting in Atsumu’s locker. He took Atsumu’s hand and wrote his number on his palm in neat writing. Then he closed Atsumu’s fingers around the writing, as if he was telling him to protect it.

“I think I’ll be seeing you outside the cafe?” Hinata looked up at Atsumu, searching for his feelings in his hazel eyes.

“Fuck yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooooooooooooooo fuc


	8. fluent portuguese

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its backstory time

As Hinata took orders and made drinks he thought about what he just did in the staff room. Why would he do that? 

Why would he kiss Atsumu, knowing he loved Kageyama? Why did he like it?

Atsumu’s lips were soft against his, and Hinanta found himself wanting to feel them again. Feel more than just lips. He wanted to explore Atsumu’s entire muscular body, leaving no stone unturned.

He loved Kageyama. He did. But everything that’s happened with Kageyama just was too much for him right now. He needed to blow off steam, and if Kageyama wasn’t gonna lend him his dick for a while(which he knew wouldn’t happen anytime soon, especially after he asked to be his boyfriend out of pity) then he would find someone who would.

Suddenly, he realized something. What he wanted out of Atsumu was a sexual relationship with no strings attached. Friends with benefits. Fuckbuddies. But what if Atsumu wanted more than that? He didn’t want to hurt him emotionally by using him. He wanted them to use each other, so the relationship wouldn’t become parasitic. He would have to ask him about that. 

Akaashi, Bokuto, and Kageyama left shortly after Hinata’s shift started, leaving Hinata to reminisce.

Hinata had known of Atsumu for a while, but he really got to know him last summer. He had known him through volleyball in his first year of high school, and he did a summer program that Atsumu also did to live with a family in Brazil for three months in the time after high school ended but before college started for Hinata. Hinata did it to learn the language, and Atsumu did it because there was an opportunity to do so and he took it. Sometimes he would say it was for research purposes. Either way, there were only fifteen people that got to go, and Hinata and Atsumu were two of them. 

The group was told to meet at a spot in São Paulo(Hinata couldn’t remember where) so they could drive to Oliveira Barros, which was the town they would be staying at. When Hinata got off the yellow bus to the meeting spot, he thought he recognized someone with clearly dyed dirty blonde hair and an undercut. The bus came to a halt, and Hinata grabbed his duffel--thanking the driver on the way out-- and stepped on the gravelly earth.

The boy with the undercut turned at the sound of the bus stopping, eyes widening when he saw the tiny ginger. “Number ten?”

“Miya-senpai!!” He ran over and gave him a hug. The surprise never left Atsumu’s expression, but he smiled. 

“Hinata, how have you been? How’s that setter of yours?”

“Kageyama’s good, I’m good, everything’s good! How are you? You’re in college now, right?” Hinata was bubbling with excitement at knowing he wasn’t gonna be alone for three months. Sure, he would’ve made friends with the other people, but knowing someone already settled the tiny amount of nervousness in his stomach.

“I’m good. Just finished my second year, have you applied?”

“Duh!! I’m going to Aobateko University.”

“Congrats!” Hinata beamed at the compliment, and Atsumu noticed before he smiled and continued. “I’m at Fukuhebi. It’s pretty close to Aobateko, actually.”

“Cool!! Maybe we’ll see each other sometimes!”

“Maybe. Where’s Kageyama going?”

“Same as me. We’re rooming together.”

“Sounds fun.”

“I’m really excited!!” Atsumu laughed at Hinata, the fact that he was still as childish as ever made him really happy for some reason. The two of them caught up a little until a small school bus came and all the people partaking in the program were told to get on. Hinata and Atsumu took a seat together in the middle, putting their duffels on their laps before going back to talking. By the time the almost two and a half hour ride had ended, Hinata and Atsumu had caught up enough that it was as if they had been good friends since Hinata was a first year.

They got off the bus with their duffels and thanked the driver, stepping onto the dry dirt path. Pebbles and gravel were everywhere and Hinata just knew he would have rocks stuck in the soles of his sandals.

The group was told to partner up because they would be spreading out the houses they would be staying in so as not to overwhelm one family with sixteen new residents. Obviously Atsumu and Hinata partnered up, and a minute later they were given the address of the place they would be staying at. They picked up their duffels and started walking. The air was dry and smelled like farmland. There were farms connected to some of the houses, and luckily they were staying at one of those.

The summer heat was baking Hinata into a tan little guy with red cheeks and bright hair, and the soft breeze ruffled his loose t-shirt. He could hear the tinkling of cups in one of the houses, and quiet talking in almost all of them. He heard the distant tires of a rusty green pickup truck. He heard that soft breeze gently whistling past his sensitive ears. He heard gravel crunching under his and Atsumu’s sandals, and he smelled the summer air and let it take him over in a quiet, happy daze. He missed the glances Atsumu sent his way.

When they reached the house, they knocked on the old wood of the screen door. Its white paint was chipping. They heard cicadas and countless types of bugs flitting to and fro. They’d have to watch for mosquitoes. Somewhere, a frog croaked. 

An old, stocky woman opened the main door. The screen door and the main door were separated by a little screened-in outside area, that looked just like a little room but the windows were screens and there were more of them than the inside of the house. She excitedly hobbled over to the screen door and opened it. 

“Oh, você está aqui!” (Ah, you’re here!) She turned behind her and called, “Querida, eles estão aqui!” (Honey, they’re here!). They heard a small happy “Oh!” before an equally stocky old man with wispy gray hair and a browned face wrinkled from years of smiling came over and greeted them.

Atsumu started speaking, surprisingly, in fluent Portuguese. “Olá, meu nome é Miya Atsumu e este é Hinata Shouyou. Ele está trabalhando para aprender o idioma, mas até que ele converse eu vou traduzir. Prazer em conhecê-lo.”(Hello, my name is Miya Atsumu and this is Hinata Shouyou. He is trying to learn the language, until he becomes conversational I’ll translate. Nice to meet you.) Hinata looked at Atsumu, starstruck, before trying to say something on his own.

“Obrigado por me receita!” (Thanks for recipe me!) Hinata nodded, clearly proud while the old couple and Atsumu laughed.

“Receber, Hinata. Receita means recipe.” Atsumu supplied. Hinata turned red before he repeated the sentence, correcting his mistake. The older woman clapped happily and introduced herself and her husband as Maria and Pedro Holanda, but told them to call them vo and vovó(grandpa and grandma). They also introduced them to the stray tan cat that lived in the town. Everyone fed it and took care of it, she said.

Their days consisted of farming(picking the ripe fruits and vegetables from the countless rows that spanned their four acres) and other things the couple might need, like help with cooking, feeding the animals, biking to the nearby town’s store to pick up anything they might need.

Everything went smoothly, and Atsumu and Hinata were constantly talking to each other. Hinata quickly picked up the language, as Atsumu made a point to mostly talk to him in Portuguese. He was basically fluent after two months. They got really close in those three months, one never getting tired of the other. The couple was extremely nice, treating them like their own sons. 

Vovo would always pester them to “coma mais, você é muito magro”(eat more, you’re too skinny) and would be harsh when it came to farming and the animals. She hit Hinata on the head with her book once when he accidentally let a chicken out of the pen. Vo would talk to Hinata and Atsumu about the past, sitting in his old rocking chair while they sat cross legged on the needlepoint carpet. Atsumu and Hinata loved vo and vovo dearly, and when they left they both gave them the addresses of where they would be staying in their colleges and their home addresses. They promised to send letters. 

It became a part of their friendship to sometimes talk in Portuguese. 

Back in the real world, it was the end of Hinata’s. The sun had set and there was only one person in the cafe, a glasses-clad student clearly having a heavy work night with a large hot coffee and his work spread out around his table. He was a mess. Hinata smiled, silently wishing him luck.

Tendou had the night shift, and he walked in in a baggy black sweatshirt and Adidas joggers. “Hi Dou-san.” Hinata greeted him and walked to the staff room with him to change into his normal outfit. 

“Sho-chan, how was your shift?”

“Uneventful.” He gave Tendou a hug, as he usually did when they saw each other.

“Sounds fun.”

“Eh.”

“Something’s on your mind.” How did Tendou know him so well? They weren’t that close.

“Relationship issues.”

“With Kageyama?”

Hinata sighed. “Is it really that obvious??”

“Yep. Since first year of high school.”

“Damn.” Expect nothing less from the Guess Monster. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Alright then. The weather’s nice out, you don’t need a sweatshirt.” Tendou noticed him putting his yellow sweatshirt on over his white t-shirt, after putting his uniform in his locker. He looked Tendou in the eyes and continued putting on his sweatshirt. “Suit yourself.”

Hinata grabbed the bag that he had had with him the whole day(A/N I forgot about his white canvas bag that said gucci in comic sans to my bad for the lack of continuity but dw it’s back) and said goodbye to Tendou before making his way out of the cafe.

He made eye contact with the student on his way out, giving a sympathetic nod. The student gave an appreciative smile that said ‘thanks, i’ll be dead by tomorrow.’ 

When Hinata stepped outside, his phone started ringing. He fished it out of his bag and looked at the caller ID.

Maybe: Miya Atsumu

He slid the dial to pick up the phone, and raised it to his ear. This cold glass touched his warm cheek as he answered the call. “Hello?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can u tell I don't like writing backstory


	9. milk tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help I don't know what I'm doing

“Hinata?”

“That’s me.”

“Oh thank god. I thought I entered in the number wrong because you wrote the 5 really weird on my hand and I didn’t know if it was a 5 or a 6.”

“You got it right.” Hinata didn’t laugh, he didn’t really know what to think. All he knew was that he didn’t want to go home.

“So how was your shift?”

“Fine. I thought about Brazil.” There was a pause on the other end of the line.

“What about it?”

“You in particular. I wonder why we never exchanged phone numbers.”

Atsumu laughed awkwardly. “Yeah. I kinda wish we had given them sooner.”

Hinata didn’t respond, so Atsumu asked what he desperately wanted to.

“Do…. you wanna come over?”

Hinata was silent for a second, and that second was enough to make Atsumu regret all of his life’s decisions. “Sure.”

“Oh, okay, yeah, I get it, it’s a school night and-- wait what?”

Hinata chuckled cutely. “I said sure, what’s your address?”

“Oh, uh…” Hinata could hear shuffling and a couple crashes on the other line, with some curses mixed in. “Sorry I was putting on my shoes. I’ll meet you outside the university.”

“Fukuhebi, right?”

“Yeah. You remembered.”

“I don’t easily forget.” The simple sentence came with some ominous connotations and it sent a chills down Atsumu’s spine but he brushed it off.

“That’s cute.”

“I’m not cute!!” He could tell from the increase in audio quality that Hinata had taken the phone off his ear to yell into the bottom speaker.

“You are.”

Hinata sighed, knowing this was a fight he never won with anyone. “I’ll be there in five minutes.”

“Okay.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” Atsumu hung up the phone, throwing all of his mess into the trash. He had five minutes to clean and get around a block away. He had to _go_.

He scooped up his roommate’s cans of Mountain Dew hurriedly and shoved an empty bag of chips in the trash. He took everything off the counter with one sweep of his arm, right into the trash. He went to the couch and flipped the cushions since he didn’t have time to clean them, then looked at the clock. Two minutes had passed. He wiped a drop of   
sweat of his brow and ran to the door to put on his shoes. He put on white hi-top converse to go with his long-ish gray coat Oikawa suggested for him last year. Said it made him look professional. 

He wore black jeans and a white t-shirt, and threw on a bright yellow scarf for the fun of it. He checked his phone. Two minutes. 

He fucking _ran_. 

He got there a minute late, but Hinata wasn’t there yet either so he breathed a sigh of relief. He decided to call. 

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Would he pick up? Ring.

Ring. 

“Hello? Sorry, couldn’t find my phone.”

Atsumu smiled, relieved. “Hi. I’m here.”

“I’m on my way, sorry, uhh I’m passing by the boba place if that gives you a sense of where I’m at.”

“Yeah, Kwon Doh Tea right?”

“Yeah.”

The mention of tea made Atsumu’s mouth water. “Do you wanna get bubble tea?”

“Sure, what do you want?”

“You don’t have to-”

“I’m gonna. What do you want.” It was a statement now, rather than a question. 

“Uh, Brown Sugar Milk Tea please. Thanks.”

“No problem. I’m walking in now, the order will probably be done by the time you get here. Nobody’s here.”

“Okay. See you.”

“Bye.”

Atsumu started speed walking. He had exact change in his pocket to get his milk tea, so he would give that to Hinata.

Hinata seemed off on the calls. Was it the kiss? He probably regrets it, oh god. Atsumu ran a hand through his golden locks, swallowing the lump in his throat. If he’s coming to tell me the kiss was a mistake, it’s okay, he told himself. It’s just a kiss. We’re just friends. He’s just Hinata. It was just a kiss.

It’s not like he’s liked him since their trip to Brazil or anything. 

He loved how happy he was all the time, and how bright his hair was and how bright his personality was, all packed into such a tiny body. He loved how determined he was, and how his leg muscles moved when he rode a bike. He loved the citrus-y smell of his shampoo and the comfy smell of his clothes. He loved how he looked in clothes that weren’t his, and Atsumu literally almost cried when Hinata wore his sweatshirt once. It was so pure, so wholesome. 

He just wanted to be pure and wholesome with the tiny former spiker, and then maybe not so wholesome. He wanted all of him. But if he only got that kiss, if he only got his friendship, if he only got to be around him, he supposed that was good enough. Enough. 

Was anything ever enough?

He opened the door to the brightly lit establishment, seeing Hinata sitting in a stool with two drinks. He was sipping his, while the other sat with a yellow straw resting on its top. 

“Hey Hinata.”

“Hey Atsumu.” He pushed his drink over to the taller boy. 

“Thank you, here, I brought exact change.”

“You don’t need to.” I feel shitty enough for using you, Hinata thought.

“Let me.”

Hinata looked at Atsumu’s genuine expression, caving rather easily. “Fine.”

“Thanks!” Atsumu fished six dollars and 45 cents out of his coat pocket and put it in Hinata’s bag, which was resting against his stool.

“So, um…” Hinata took a sip of his tea. Atsumu poked the straw through the top of his and took a sip. “I’m…. sorry about today.”

“What do you mean?”

“Kissing you. I’m sorry I did.”

Oh. So he didn’t like it. He knew it. “It’s fine, I understand if you-”

“I never asked permission. I kind of just did. I’m really sorry.”

Atsumu looked wide-eyed at Hinata. “It’s totally fine. I liked it.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.”

Hinata looked at his lap with a soft smile. “Do you mind if I vent for a minute?”

“Spill.”

Hinata lightly laughed, then he started. “I liked the kiss. A lot. But there wasn’t any…. content behind it, and I didn’t consider if you want to be in a relationship or not.”

“If it makes you feel better, I would be more than okay with a relationship with you.”

Hinata’s smile dropped. “That’s the thing. I like someone else. You and I are great friends, and I kind of wanted to make that a friends with benefits situation?? You know? I’m just really pent up and I’ve had a really shitty day.” 

Atsumu looked shell shocked.

“It’s not because of the kiss, it was before that.” Hinata didn’t want Atsumu to think he was the reason for Hinata’s shitty day.

So he didn’t want a relationship, but he wanted to smash. Atsumu thought for a little bit about it. One one hand, fucking Hinata might make everything really awkward between them, and it might make Atsumu’s feelings grow. But on the other hand, he was being offered an opportunity for a sexual relationship with his crush.

“Do you think it will make things awkward?”

Hinata took another sip. “Not unless we make it awkward.”

“Then sure.”

Hinata’s head snapped up and his eyes met Atsumu’s. “Are you sure? I don’t want to force you into anything-”

“I’m sure. I value our friendship more than anything, and it won’t get awkward, so what’s the issue? I’m considering it a trade-off.”

Hinata doubtfully looked at his cup, before looking at Atsumu again. He pushed his cup towards the blonde. “Want some?”

“Sure.” He took the cup and put the straw to his lips. He took a sip, getting some tapioca. “Coconut?”

“Coconut milk tea, yeah.”

“It’s good.”

“That’s why I order it.” Hinata looked at Atsumu, noticing he had some tea that spilled down his chin. He decided to take matters into his own hands, taking a napkin from a nearby stack and wiping it off. “All better.” Hinata looked up, and realized how close his face was to the older boy’s.

Atsumu talked first. “Hinata.”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Hinata’s heart was beating so fast and he could barely hear anything over the blood pumping in his ears but he just nodded and closed his eyes. 

Atsumu took Hinata’s chin and tilted it up before leaning in, pressing a chaste kiss to the smaller boy’s lips. Hinata’s head was spinning. Atsumu was a really good kisser. The feeling he got form the kiss wasn't like one where you kiss your crush. It was exciting, risqué. Like he was doing something new. He liked it. A lot.

Hinata’s face felt so good in Atsumu’s cupped hand, he wanted to do it again. But he didn’t. He would spare the poor college student at the counter.

“Wanna go play Mario Kart?”

Hinata laughed, genuinely this time. “Yeah, let’s go. I call Yoshi.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Atsumu took his drink and Hinata’s bag and they got up to leave. Hinata thanked the girl at the counter before they opened the door, the tiny bell chiming quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeeeeeeeeee


	10. call me shouyou

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's nsfw in this chapter btw

When Hinata and Atsumu got back to Atsumu’s dorm, Hinata sat down to untie his converse.

Atsumu just slipped off his shoes in the doorway and went to set up the Wii. He put two of the four remotes on the couch and walked back to the Wii port, ejecting the Just Dance disk and putting in the Mario Kart one. The machine made a little processing noise before quieting down. He sat on the couch and took the remote off the arm, turning on the old TV just as Hinata plopped next to him. 

“Ready to lose?” Atsumu asked, not sparing Hinata a glance.

“I’m gonna win.” Hinata’s eyes were also fixed on the loading screen.

“Sure.” Atsumu, having the player one remote, clicked the Mario Kart game from the home screen.

“I have my ways.” Hinata giggled evilly.

“Scary,” Atsumu muttered.

Hinata smiled and let Atsumu pick Bowser and the bike that looked like Bowser. A very Bowser-themed look. 

Hinata picked Yoshi and the default car, and pressed start. “Which level do you wanna do?”

“You pick.”

“Let’s do Moonview Highway.”

“You suck, that’s the worst one.”

“Rainbow Road’s the worst one.”

“They’re pretty close.”

“Not really.” Hinata’s tone was mockingly offended. 

“They’re in the same cup.”

“Rainbow Road’s the hardest though. This one’s fine.”

“There are literally big cars to hit you.”

“Kinky.”

“I can’t win, can I?”

“Never.”

They started the round, Hinata grumbling that Atsumu had an advantage because he started in eleventh while Hinata started in twelfth, to which Atsumu replied that it was “the game getting back at you for the kinky comment.”

The little cloud guy held up three lights in front of both of their screens, and three horns blared. Three, two, one.

Then a loud horn sounded and they were off. Both of them, being longtime players, knew when to press the gas when the countdown was running so they would get a speed boost for a couple seconds at the start. 

Hinata and Atsumu ended up in 4th and 5th respectively, so Atsumu red-shelled him. 

“Fuck you.”

“I’d prefer topping.”

“After this game then. How many rounds are there?”

“Four.”

“I can wait.”

“How are you so calm about this?” Atsumu dodged a banana peel and picked up an item box. 

“A tense atmosphere is the worst.” Hinata picked up an item box but got flattened by a car immediately after. “Fuck!”

“I guess so. Also I’m in 1st.”

Hinata gasped. “I gotta catch up.” He leaned forward, as if acting like he was more into it would help. To each their own, Atsumu guessed.

“We’re still only on lap one.”

“Doesn’t… matter!” He pushed his words through gritted teeth as he narrowly avoided one of the cars that was also a bomb. Atsumu was focusing on Hinata’s screen for a second, and he went right off the side of the mountain the track was on.

“Dammit.”

“Ha ha.” Hinata sang.

Atsumu sighed as the cloud guy put his bike back on the track. He continued through the map. They were on lap 2 now.

Atsumu was in fourth, and Hinata was in 6th. Hinata was coming up right behind him and an NPC, which he realized was Dry Bones.

Suddenly Hinata’s hand snaked over to Atsumu’s crotch and gave a firm squeeze. Atsumu jolted and drove right off the cliff. “What the fuck was that for?”

“I said I have my ways, remember?”

“You suck.”

“I can if you want.”

“Oh my god.”

“Do you not want me to?”

“It’s not--” Atsumu sighed, picking up an item box. “Goddamn.”

Hinata laughed and they finished up the round. The next three rounds went like the first one, Hinata making a bunch of innuendos and Atsumu reacting to them. But when the four rounds ended, Atsumu turned off the TV and pushed Hinata by the shoulders into the couch. He put his face close to Hinata’s, stopping to silently ask for   
permission. Hinata smiled and kissed him, wrapping his arms around his broad back. 

Atsumu pressed his tongue against Hinata’s lips, and Hinata complied, opening his mouth a little. Atsumu slid his tongue into Hinata’s mouth, exploring every part of the cavern. Hinata moaned into the kiss and their tongues slid together wetly. They made out like that for a bit until Atsumu’s arms got tired, and he spoke. Clearly out of breath,   
Atsumu said “Hinata, do you--”

“Shouyou.” Hinata’s breath was ragged.

“What?”

“Call me Shouyou.” Kageyama would call me Shouyou if we did this. I need this, Hinata thought. This will get me over Kageyama.

“Then, Shouyou,” there was a glint in Atsumu’s eyes and if he wasn’t still literally on top of Hinata, Hinata would think he was dreaming. “I’m taking you somewhere better.”

Hinata gasped as Atsumu picked him up so their chests were pressed together, and Hinata wrapped his legs around the setter’s waist. Not as slim as Kageyama’s, he thought, but fuck Atsumu was sexy. He felt large hands feeling him up, squeezing his ass and running along his toned thighs.

Hinata kissed Atsumu’s neck since it was there, sucking a few hickies into the tanned skin. 

Atsumu couldn’t believe where he was. He was feeling up his friend, his crush, and, if things kept going the way they were going, they were probably gonna fuck. He couldn’t believe his luck. He thought he would actually combust when he felt Hinata, no, Shouyou sucking hickies into his neck.

Hinata rested his forehead on Atsumu’s shoulder when he realized the older boy wasn’t walking anywhere. “Atsumu… please get going. I don’t think I can handle you being like this right now.”

Atsumu laughed, eyes half lidded. Not that Hinata could see that. “Okay.” He started walking to his bedroom, squeezing and groping Hinata the whole way. He loved the sound of Hinata’s little pleasured mewls.

When they got there, Atsumu gently lowered Hinata to the bed--well, more like lowered himself to the bed. Hinata was hanging off him like a koala, so he lowered himself until Hinata’s weight was gone. Hinata pulled him down into another heated kiss, immediately pushing his tongue into Atsumu’s mouth. Atsumu unbuttoned Hinata’s jeans,   
sliding them off his lean legs. Hinata helped by kicking them off when they got below his knees. He was just in his boxers--teddy bear themed, Atsumu noticed(cute, he thought)--and his yellow sweatshirt. 

**this parts nsfw so skip to where the next bolded text if u don't wanna read it**

Hinata flipped them so he was on top, rubbing his clothed ass on Atsumu’s growing hard-on. They continued making out until Hinata moved to his neck, undoing his pants as he did so. Atsumu sat up to take his shirt off, then he lay back down. Hinata marveled at his hard-earned abs and sat back for a second. “Shit, ‘Tsumu.”

“Like what you see?” Atsumu smirked.

“Fuck, you’re so hot. I can’t handle it. I’m gonna die.”

Atsumu laughed and Hinata lowered himself to be eye level with Atsumu’s clothed--now fully hard--dick.

He pulled Atsumu’s pants and boxers down in one go, and Atsumu kicked them off like Hinata did before. His cock sprung up and hit his stomach. Hinata gripped the base with slender fingers, tentatively licking the head. Atsumu’s breath hitched. Hinata smiled and licked a stripe up the back, stopping to apply pressure to that spot under the   
head with his tongue. He took the head in his mouth and, after giving a light suck, started to bob his head. Atsumu was clearly falling apart, quietly panting and tangling his fingers in Hinata’s hair. 

“Fuck, Shouyou, that’s so good, ah,” Hinata pumped the parts he couldn’t reach with his mouth with one hand, while using the other to scissor himself open. He moaned around Atsumu’s dick, taking that moment to try to get it all in his mouth. He felt the head hit the back of his throat as his fingers found his prostate, jolting and moaning around Atsumu’s dick.

Atsumu’s fingers tightened in Hinata’s hair, pushing his head down. The head hit the back of his throat, then started to slide down further. Hinata relaxed his throat to accommodate the intrusion, and let Atsumu fuck his throat. He looked up at the older male, watching him fall apart. He was panting and moaning a string of “yes, Shouyou,” that made Hinata’s eyes roll back in his head. Hinata felt his cock twitch before Atsumu came deep in his throat, staying for a second before pulling out. Hinata coughed, struggling to breathe.

Atsumu immediately sobered up and sat up to help Hinata, apologizing. “Fuck, Hinata, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have--” 

Hinata covered his mouth. What was it with Hinata interrupting him? He stopped coughing. “It’s fine. It felt good.”

The worried look in Atsumu’s eyes was replaced with a feral one. “Lie down. Right now.”

Hinata excitedly did as he was told, spreading his legs for good measure. Atsumu took off Hinata’s boxers, reveling in his pert little hole and his average-sized cock. He shoved his fingers into Hinata’s face, “Suck.”

Hinata obeyed, earnestly coating Atsumu’s middle and ring fingers in spit. Atsumu pulled them from Hinata’s mouth and gingerly pressed one to his hole. Hinata tensed, Atsumu’s fingers were bigger than his. 

“Relax, Shouyou.” Hinata took a deep breath at the command, trying to relax as much as he could before Atsumu pushed a finger in. He moaned. “Fuck, Shouyou, this is really tight. Have you done this before?”

Hinata shook his head. Atsumu pushed his finger deeper, and Hinata let out a series of mewls and moans and hums. Atsumu looked up at him, really looked at him, and took in the state of his friend. Hinata was sweating and panting, his blush filling his face, neck and ears. His sweatshirt was still on, so Atsumu pushed the yellow fabric up to reveal hardened pink nipples. He experimentally fiddled with one, taking it between two fingers and rolling it. Hinata’s moans got louder with the added stimulation, and Atsumu felt around for Hinata’s good spot. 

Atsumu changed his position so he could keep fingering Hinata and suck on a nipple and play with the other. He added another finger, figuring Hinata could handle it. Hinata was a mess, panting and moaning wantonly. His legs felt like jelly around Atsumu’s waist. 

Atsumu’s fingers found Hinata’s prostate, pressing directly into it, and gently bit Hinata’s nipple. Hinata _keened_ as he came in ropes on his stomach.

“Tobio!!”

Atsumu froze, stopped sucking Hinata’s nipple and pulled his fingers out. So he was imagining someone else this whole time. Even though Hinata told him he didn’t like him romantically before, this felt so much more real. Atsumu kind of wanted to cry.

**for those who didnt wanna read it here's where you can start again and also Hinata just said Kageyama's name while having sex w/ Atsumu jsyk**

Hinata, realizing his mistake, sat up messily in his post-orgasm state, looking Atsumu right in the eyes apologetically, internally freaking out.

“Atsumu, I-”

“No, it’s fine. I guess you warned me about this.” Atsumu got up, walking to the bathroom to clean his hands. “I shouldn’t have expected anything. Thanks for the blowjob.”

“Atsumu, I’m really sorry.” That phrase again. 

“Didn’t I say it’s fine?” Atsumu felt tears welling up in his eyes, so he needed to get Hinata out as soon as possible. “It’s fine, really. Can you just…. leave? Please?”

Hinata looked at his lap, then Atsumu’s back before getting up. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Okay. I won’t be here when you get out, so, um…” Hinata stammered, grabbing a tissue off Atsumu’s desk to wipe the cum off his chest before throwing it in the nearby trash can.

“Goodnight,” Atsumu finished. He walked to the bathroom and closed the door.

“Goodnight….” Hinata felt like shit. He had just one hundred percent obliterated the friendship he had with Atsumu, but all he could do was put on his boxers and jeans and go to put his shoes on. 

He closed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I just like ruining things


	11. cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings for this chapter: suicide and guns (dw nobody dies you'll see)

When Hinata dropped his bag by the front door, he heard Kageyama watching Naruto(absolute _swine_ ) and he walked into his own room. He missed Kageyama. He wanted to watch Naruto with him. They could be swines together. ~~Not to mention he knew Kageyama was watching Naruto by hearing Hinata’s voice actress.~~

He got in the shower, slowly rubbing circles in his sudsy hair, knowing no amount of shampoo could erase what he just did. 

At least now he knew that he wasn’t even slightly over Kageyama. He wanted to call Atsumu but he knew that wouldn’t do anything good. He debated sending him a text, but decided that it would be insensitive and futile. He felt like an asshole. 

When he realized that thinking in circles wouldn’t do him or Atsumu any good, he got out of the shower and put on his sweatpants and a big t-shirt. He wanted the warmth and aroma of one of Kageyama’s shirts, but he knew there was a rift between the two that he couldn’t just cross.

Hinata was lonely.

He laid his head on his pillow, and fell into a restless sleep.

The first thing he saw coming out of the black abyss was Atsumu, giving him a dejected look that said “I…. don’t think we can be friends anymore. That really hurt, what you did.” Atsumu turned and walked away. Hinata watched his receding figure. Something was behind him, he could feel it. 

There was an aura of something positively bad creeping up on him, so he turned around,but nothing was there. The gray tiled floor he stood on was empty. He was barefoot and in the yellow sweatshirt and boxers that he had on with Atsumu. The tile was cold against his feet.

His ears started ringing, and suddenly Atsumu was back, happier now. Hinata recognized the scene. He felt the sting of his cheeks and Atsumu’s hands, now deadly cold on his face. 

“You were out of it. I don’t know what’s going on, but you’ll get through it.” His eyes bore into Hinata’s skull. His hands grew tighter around Hinata’s cheeks before he pulled off completely. “You’ll get through it,” Atsumu repeated before he pulled a gun out of his coat pocket--he was wearing a coat?--and swiftly dealt  
himself a bullet to the head.

The gunshot was loud and it echoed in Hinata’s ears even as Atsumu fell limply onto him. Hinata took off his sweatshirt, pressing it on Atsumu’s head in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding, tring to _fucking save him oh my god Atsumu don’t leave me like this I’m so sorry--_

Then Atsumu faded. His weight left Hinata, leaving him empty and tear-stained with a bloody yellow sweatshirt lying like a boulder in his lap. Atsumu’s gun lay on the tile in front of him, smoke trickling from the tip. Before he could take a breath, Kageyama was there. His face was so close. How could he forget this scene.

“I can be better than him.” Kageyama’s voice was strained but Hinata could barely hear him over the ringing in his ears. His heartbeat was loud and it just made the whole experience worse. Kageyama started screaming at him, saying “all I wanted was a good friend and this is what I get?” and “That was such a dick move” and all the things Hinata had been saying to himself for the past day. His words started overlapping, drowning Hinata in a sea of guilt and pain that he couldn’t even understand. But suddenly, the ringing in his ears stopped and his heartbeat quieted and everything was silent except for Kageyama’s bellow, “I FUCKING HATE YOU.”

Hinata curled in on himself, shaking and screaming and tears ran down his face as he heard another gunshot. He barely heard the clatter of the gun dropping back to the floor. He refused to watch Kageyama die, so he just curled into a screaming ball of agony. It’s your fault. It’s your fault, his mind helpfully supplied.  
_It’s your fault. His breath caught in his throat. It’s your fault. **It’s your fault. He was suffocating, he couldn’t fucking breathe--**_

"Hinata!” Hinata opened his eyes to find himself trembling in Kageyama’s strong hold. He vaguely registered that he was spouting word vomit from his dream, sobbing and crying and reaching for something, anything. Kageyama sat on his bed, pulling him into his lap and rubbing slow circles into the panicking boy’s back.

Hinata’s breathing was extremely ragged, stopping at starting at random. “Breathe, idiot.” If Hinata heard him, he sure as hell didn’t show it. He was worried. Hinata had nightmares, but never any this severe.

Suddenly, he heard something he understood, amidst the string of unrecognizable speech coming from the boy. “Kageyama you were dead”. He stopped his circles and hugged Hinata tightly. He held him close to his chest and he leaned down to quietly talk in Hinata’s ear.

“I’m right here. I’m not dead. I’m right here. I’ve got you. Breathe.” He repeated the phrase more times than he could count, pressing Hinata to his chest. Hinata still shook, still bawled, still said everything indecipherable. Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s small hand and brought it to his chest. He prodded his left pec with  
Hinata’s hand until he could feel his heartbeat. 

“I’m alive. I’m here. You’re okay. I’m okay. Everything’s okay.”

It took a while, but eventually Hinata’s breathing slowed, and he stopped talking. He was still whimpering a little and his shaking hadn’t yet subsided, but he was better than before. Kageyama looked down at him, still holding him closely and rubbing circles into his back. Finally, Hinata stopped shaking and whimpering. When Kageyama loosened his hold, he saw that Hinata had fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep. Kageyama picked the smaller boy up bridal style and brought him to his room. He laid him gently on his bed and climbed in beside him. Hinata turned in his sleep, facing away from Kageyama, so Kageyama took the role of big spoon and put his arms around Hinata’s lithe waist. 

He buried his nose in Hinata’s bright hair and pulled the covers over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eek


	12. missed a step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm killing hinata someone stop me WARNINGS: BLOOD AND INJURY PLEASE BE CAREFUL IF THIS MIGHT AFFECT YOU NEGATIVELY I JUST WANT YALL TO BE HAPPY AND SAFE

Hinata woke up tired. Exhausted actually. His entire body was sore and tired and he felt like he wouldn’t be able to move for at least a day. Then he felt the arms around him. And everything came flooding back.

The events of last night, how he messed up with Atsumu, his nightmare, and finally Kageyama hugging him. But how did he end up in Kageyama’s bed?

He didn’t realize he had tensed until Kageyama told him to calm down. “I brought you here last night. You were freaking out because you had a nightmare.”

“I remember the nightmare.”

“You fell asleep when you stopped freaking out.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.”

“Um, do you know what time it is?” Hinata looked straight ahead, not wanting to make eye contact, but he had class at 8:30 and he needed to know if he was gonna be late.

“It’s 8:45. We have Literature at 9:30 together.” Kageyama’s voice was deep and groggy.

“I thought you had physics in the mornings.”

“On Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Not today or Friday.”

“Oh.” They stayed in that position for a bit, Kageyama spooning Hinata under the covers, their legs tangled together. Until Hinata spoke. “Should we…. get up?”

“Okay.”

“We should leave early so we can get coffee.” Hinata sat up, pulling the covers off himself but being careful to keep Kageyama covered. 

“Why don’t we just make some here?” Kageyama cracked his eyes open to watch Hinata go, looking at him quizzically. He raised his head a bit over the pillow to get a better look.

“We ran out of filters yesterday. You should know that, you used the last one.” Hinata climbed over Kageyama and got off the bed.

“Sorry. Yeah, we’ll leave early.” Kageyama let his head fall to the pillow with a soft ‘pomf’. He rested the back of his hand on his eyes to block out the bluish morning light that was filtering through the open window.

“Okay. Come on, gotta brush teeth.” Hinata left the room and Kageyama listened to his soft footfalls.

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

Hinata thought to himself while Kageyama wasn’t there. It was like the chasm between them had mended, almost. They were still both aware of the awkwardness that was ever-present, but for some reason they both ignored it. It was like nothing happened. Like Hinata didn’t refuse to be his crush’s boyfriend. Like he didn’t cry his eyes out because all he wanted was Kageyama to love him. He was so immersed in thought that when he snapped out of it, he was brushing his teeth. And he had changed his pants. When had he changed? When did he get to the bathroom? Where was Kageyama?

He, with his toothbrush still in his mouth, walked over to Kageyama’s open door. He peeked his head in, and Kageyama was passed out in bed. Still. He took the closest thing to him off the floor--a shoe-- and threw it at Kageyama. It hit his face, and Kageyama jolted up with a “fuck! What the fuck?!?”

Kageyama threw the shoe back to the floor with as much strength he could muster in his sleepy state, which wasn’t much. “Boke, what the hell was that for?”

“Get up. We’re gonna be late.” The small boy padded back to the bathroom. 

“We’re not.”

“It’s,” Hinata quickly checked the digital clock in his room on the way to the bathroom, “9:05.” 

He heard violent shuffling and thumping coming from Kageyama’s room, which he guessed was him falling off the bed and trying to put on something socially acceptable in a state of time limit induced panic. Not even a minute later, he came into the bathroom in cargo shorts and a white t-shirt. Hinata was done brushing his teeth and was doing the short skin care routine he did every morning, which really only consisted of face wash. He was patting his right cheek dry with a towel when he really appreciated the state Kageyama was in. 

The taller boy’s black hair was an actual mess, sticking up everywhere. Hinata found his bedhead kind of charming. He was brushing his teeth with his eyes wide open, clearly stressed by the time. Hinata put the towel over the pole the shower curtain was on before leaving the bathroom, but not without telling Kageyama his shirt was inside out.

He heard a soft curse from the bathroom when he entered his room. He picked up his canvas ‘gucci’ bag and loaded it with the notebooks he would need for that day, his laptop and his phone. He went into the living room, put his shoes on, and waited for Kageyama to be done. Things were peaceful. 

It took a little bit, but after a minute Kageyama was…. kind of put together. Not really. His bed head was still prominent but he tried to tame it. It looked fluffy, cute. He wore a white t-shirt ~~that wasn’t inside out~~ and a pair of black cargo shorts. It was warm enough out to wear a t-shirt, but Hinata was always  
cold so he had a gray sweatshirt on. Paired with blue jeans that hugged his lean legs in all the right places, he looked kinda good. 

“Forgetting something?” Hinata asked with a smirk.

Kageyama leaned forward a little to look himself over before looking back up at Hinata, confused.

“Your work.”

“Right.” Kageyama turned on his heel, sticking his pointer finger up in an ‘aha!’ kind of way. He looked stressed, though.

He was back a minute later with a plain black canvas bag with his schoolwork in it. The bag had more contents than Hinata’s because he had physics later that day, and that class required a giant textbook.

He sat down to put his dark blue converse on. Hinata looked down at them, noticing Kageyama hadn’t washed off the little white stars and the moon Hinata had painted on it when they first moved in together. That was only a year ago, but it felt like they were an old married couple. 

It hit Hinata just then how many little things he had given Kageyama, and he wondered if Kageyama kept all of them. So far Hinata knew Kageyama kept the ladybug hairpin Natsu had given him, the pebble he had given him before, and now the painted night sky on his converse. Hinata’s heart swelled. 

Kageyama got up, having tied his shoes and picked up his bag. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” 

Kageyama opened the door so Hinata could go through, then followed the ginger. The dorms at this university were mostly three story walk-ups, and Hinata and Kageyama lived on the third floor of one of them. Sometimes they heard Daichi and Suga walking to class before them, since they lived on the same floor. Occasionally Suga would come over uninvited with baking. He tended to stress-bake.

Hinata and Kageyama walked through the narrow hallway to the stairwell, the steps smooth from countless students’ shoes. Hinata walked down in an uppity manner, a tiny bounce between each step. The stairwell had two parts between each floor, breaking in the middle to a tiny area, maybe a meter wide and a meter and a half long before continuing the stairs in the opposite direction. Hinata swung on the wooden railing around the bend, making him go faster.

Then he missed a step. 

He tried to catch himself on the railing but missed, falling so all of his weight fell on the shin of his bent leg on the corner of a step. Kageyama heard a loud snap before Hinata fell the rest of the way down the stairs, landing in a trembling heap at the bottom. Hinata immediately sat up, a habit to convince others he was okay when he hurt himself. His expression was one of shock before it twisted in pain, his mouth opening and closing in a silent shriek. 

Kageyama sprinted down the steps and kneeled in front of Hinata, who took a deep breath and let out a mix of a sob, an “ow” and a shriek. Large tears quickly welled in his eyes and fell quickly. 

“Dumbass!! What the fuck!! What hurts?!” Kageyama shouted as he did when he was stressed or angry. But he wasn’t angry. He was fucking stressed though.

“My leg, it’s my leg, it hurts so bad Kageyama please make it stop,” Hinata wailed, his words barely understandable through his tears. 

“Which leg?!” Kageyama was frantic.

Hinata pointed to his left leg with a shaky finger, and Kageyama, as gently as he could, pulled the pant leg up. Hinata sobbed, the little movement being pure agony.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I have to see it to figure out if you need to go to the hospital or not, I’m sorry, please try to bear it,” Kageyama just didn’t stop talking, he wanted to distract Hinata from the pain. He decided that doing it slowly would hurt more, so he counted to three in his head and yanked the pant leg up to Hinata’s knee. Hinata howled in pain, and he was surprised nobody had come to see what was going on but he supposed most had already left for class, since the majority of the morning classes started at 8 or 8:30.

When he saw Hinata’s leg, he knew immediately that he would have to go to the hospital. His shin bone had snapped in the middle, so his shin was literally bent. The skin had broke, and there was more blood than Kageyama thought there would be dripping down Hinata’s leg. When he really looked closely at the wound, he  
could see little bits of bone. He knew he couldn’t bring Hinata anywhere without hurting him, so he called the nearest person he had in his contacts.

Ring.

Ring. 

“Kageyama? I’m about to go to class, what do you need?”

“Please come to the stairwell on the second floor of the dorm.”

“Why?”

“Just do it, please.”

“Okay. Give me two minutes.”

“Thanks.”

He put his phone face down on the cold floor, not knowing at all what to do in this situation. 

Hinata was still whimpering, but he seemed like he was gonna pass out kind of soon. Kageyama knew he had to use something to stop the bleeding but he didn’t have anything to use. He picked up his phone again.

Ring.

“Yes?”

“Can you bring a shirt?”

“Just any shirt?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Daichi seemed skeptical.

“Thanks.” He hung up the phone again, placing it back on the ground. He took off his shirt, holding it while he glanced at Hinata. He looked like he was about to pass out, but what Kageyama was about to do would hurt. He ripped the sleeve off his shirt and fished a pen out of his bag. He wrapped the sleeve around the pen and  
turned to Hinata. “Open your mouth.” Hinata, barely lucid, did as he was told. Kageyama shoved the wrapped pen into Hinata’s mouth so the ends of the pen stuck out. It wasn’t great, but it was something for him to bite on. “This is going to hurt, but I have to do it.”

He gently took both sides of Hinata’s shin, which made Hinata visibly bite down on the pen. He counted to three in his head again. One, two, _snap._

Hinata screamed at the pain, but at least his leg wasn’t bent anymore. Kageyama had snapped the bone back into place. Then, trying his best to be gentle, he wrapped his shirt tightly around the place where it was bleeding. Hinata was writhing but Kageyama kept him in place with a strong hand pushing his thigh to the ground. 

Where was Daichi?

Kageyama put his hand in Hinata’s and let him squeeze it until Daichi came. He took the time to dial 311 on his phone and give the operator the address of the front of the university. Vehicles weren’t allowed on the campus(basically just a bunch of buildings forming a circle with a quad in the middle) so he had to bring Hinata to the front. Which was why he called Daichi to help him.

“Kageyama?" speak of the devil. "What did you need, you sounded stressed--fuck, is he okay?!” Daichi rushed down the stairs to try to help them.

“He fell down the stairs and his leg’s in bad shape. I already called an ambulance, but I can’t carry him to the front by myself without hurting him.”

“Okay. I’ll take one arm, you take the other. Oh, and here’s the shirt.” Daichi handed him another white shirt, which Kageyama quickly put on. He took the pen from Hinata’s jaws where it was loosely held, putting it in his bag. He’d deal with it later. 

Kageyama got on Hinata’s left side and Daichi got on his right, both men kneeling to lift the boy still leaning against the wall. “I’ll count to three, on three we’re gonna lift him to standing. Okay?”

“Okay,” Daichi agreed.

“One.” Kageyama gripped Hinata’s wrist with one hand and prepared to support his shoulder with the other. He lightly rubbed the fabric of Hinata’s sweatshirt with his thumb as if to say “I’ve got you. Don’t be scared.”

“Two.” Daichi did the same, his grip strong.

“Three.” Hinata braced himself. The two men pulled him up and held him up by his shoulders like they were picking up a cat by its front legs. Hinata lowly groaned, too spent to muster anything more.

“Okay, now let’s go.” Kageyama’s former captain was surprised by his lack of nervousness at his best friend being injured. He knew he cared though, as his expression was that of intense stress.

So they carried Hinata and his broken leg to the front of the university, where they lifted him into the waiting ambulance. Kageyama climbed in with him, and thanked Daichi before the older male bid them a safe trip and went to class. Kageyama felt the engine start, and took a deep breath.

a/n I had trouble describing what Hinata's outfit looked like earlier in the chapter so I drew it to show you what I meant :)

_**ALSO!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K HITS IT GENUINELY MEANS THE WORLD AND I LOVE YOU ALL THANK YOU**_  
I honestly also can't tell you how happy your comments make me,,, like when I get an email saying someone has replied to this it literally makes my day so thank you so much to those who commented bless your souls xoxo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEARTS BECAUSE I LOVE HIM (also I just read a doctor kageyama fic and I love the idea of health-concerned kags)


	13. tiny starlit hospital room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres a paragraph in this that I marked, please read it because i think it's really nice

Hinata cracked his eyes open to a dark room. Once they focused, he could tell it was the generic ceiling that most schools and hospitals have, with the square panels and the square lights. He felt numb. Specifically his left leg.

His body wouldn’t move the way he wanted it to. He tried to lift his heavy head off the hard pillow to see what happened but it wouldn’t work. His entire body felt like it was weighted down to the bed. 

He felt something around his right hand. It was warm, sure in its hold and it was bigger than his hand. It took all of his concentration to turn his head to the right to see what it was, and nothing could have prepared him for the sight.

It was Kageyama, fast asleep with his hand under Hinata’s, holding it, and his head resting on it. He looked so peaceful with his calm expression and slightly parted lips. Hinata’s hand twitched involuntarily, and even though it made Kageyama stir it didn’t wake him. 

Deciding it was safe to assume Kageyama wouldn’t hear him, he decided to talk to him.

“Tobio…” Hinata just left the name floating there, he loved how it felt on his tongue. He continued talking, his tone quiet and his pace slow. “I wish you actually had feelings for me. It’s been really rough since you confessed. I’m really in love with you, so it was hard for me to turn you down but I knew you weren’t confessing because you loved me back. You felt bad about me breaking up with Hyakuzawa so you wanted to get my mind off it. It was a rough day after that. After you confessed I had a talk with Yamaguchi and Tsukki. Tsukki gives surprisingly good hugs for being so stingy. Then we met at the café and when I went into the staff room I met Atsumu. I was really sad about you, so I wanted to get my mind off you. Maybe try to catch feelings for someone else. So I kissed Atsumu and gave him my number, and when my shift was done he invited me over. We played Mario Kart and he won, and then we made out… We were probably gonna fuck but when he was fingering me I came and I said your name instead of his. I felt really shitty. I feel really shitty. I don’t know if Atsumu will still want to be friends with me. I’m really sad, and my whole body is numb, and I feel like I could cry right now but I can’t for some reason. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this while you’re asleep. Maybe because I don’t want to see your expression when I tell you about Atsumu, I’m sorry. I love you so much and even if you actually do love me back I probably just smothered any hope.”

“You didn’t. I’m still very much in love with you.” He still looked asleep.

“Were you awake that whole time?”

“Yeah. And for your information, Atsumu is hot so I don’t blame you. It’s normal to want to get your mind off of something painful.”

It was silent for a minute but not awkward. Hinata was mortified that he just spilled everything he told himself he would keep secret to Kageyama, but Kageyama simply lifted his head and looked at Hinata. 

“Wanna cuddle?” Kageyama asked nonchalantly. Hinata turned bright red. 

“Uh, sure! Do you want to watch anything?” When they cuddled they tried to make it platonic by turning on something to watch. Kageyama had other plans.

“I just wanna be with you for a bit. I’ll try to watch your leg.”

His leg? Oh, right, it was numb. Hinata tried to sit up enough to view his left leg, and immediately fell back down. He couldn’t see any blood or anything but he knew from the setup that it was broken. Then the memories trickled back to him. He fell down the stairs and his leg was hurting really bad. He remembered seeing Kageyama kneeling over him, giving him something to bite before snapping the broken bone back into place. He didn’t see that his bone was broken, but he remembered what it felt like to snap a bone back into place from when he got into a fight with one of Kenma’s friends that was being mean to him. That time, Kuroo was the one to snap his nose back into place.

His thoughts were stopped by the feeling of Kageyama sitting next to him on the hospital bed. The black haired boy angled himself so he could comfortably lay his head on Hinata’s chest. Hinata was a little taken aback, but his heart was beating so fast he couldn’t focus on that for more than a second. 

“Calm down.” Kageyama sounded sleepy.

“What?”

“Your heartbeat is on the monitor, you know. It’s too fast. Calm down.”

Oh, right. He was in a hospital room. Somehow he had blocked out the subtle rhythmic beeping until then. So instead of focusing on anything else, Hinata focused on Kageyama. He draped an arm over Kageyama’s chest, holding him while he pet the taller boy’s hair with the other hand. “Kageyama?”

“Mm?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For taking me here. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you in that situation.”

“I’m your best friend. It’s what friends do. You should thank Daichi later, he helped me carry you to the ambulance.”

“Ah, okay.” Then Hinata didn’t speak for a little while.

_a/n please read all of the following paragraph. I poured my soul into it and I really want to share it with you._

It was as if the world was stopped. They were stuck in a tiny shard of time, silent and still. The only sounds were that of the placid April night and their soft breathing, punctuated by the quiet monitor. Kageyama looked out the minimalist window in awe at the night sky. The heavens painted an elegant picture of a proud moon accompanied by ghostly lights, mirrors into the farthest reaches of the universe and wispy clouds that glowed in its steady light. In the dark room, he felt the closeness of the worn fingers that threaded through his hair and could hear the light footsteps of the sporadic nurses walking through the tiled hallway. The stars were bright and small, and Kageyama wondered how many lifetimes it took for the fragile light to finally cast deep shadows in their tiny hospital room. He thought about how the ancient mothers of those tiny lights were nothing now, and yet he could still feel their pride. He thought about how eventually they all would become nothing, relying on a distant stranger to look out their tiny window with wide, hopeful eyes and appreciate the tiniest fleck of alabaster paint suspended in the deep midnight hues. He focused on one star, a slender soul that seemed insignificant when lost in the crowd of infinite others, and wondered if when they were alive, they lost themselves in the stale light and the steady breathing of another. He came to the conclusion that when he was a fragment of timeworn pale light, he hoped he could be a part of someone’s shard of time, keeping them quiet company until morning provided a new canvas. And then he would be gone, erased, likely forgotten, but maybe the tiny window would remember his light in that stranger’s wide eyes. Somehow, knowing he would end someday brought him peace, and in that moment he was content.

“Tobio?” Hinata’s tone had deepened, quieted. It was a feather-light whisper, clearly used so only Kageyama could hear him, even though there were no spectators. Kageyama liked it though, it made it more intimate and close.

“Yeah?”

“Did you mean what you said yesterday?”

Frankly, Kageyama should have expected this question at some point or another, but he didn’t think Hinata would have steeled himself enough to ask until later on. On closer inspection, Kageyama noticed the monitor was going faster, and the fingers in his hair became less certain. “Every word.”

Hinata paused to gather his thoughts. Language was a tricky thing, and changing a word, word placement, or even which word is emphasized in a sentence could change its meaning and Hinata wanted to be as specific as possible. Words from all of the three languages he knew knocked around in his head until he settled on what he considered satisfactory. “Was it your heart talking?”

“What?”

“Was it your heart talking? If it was your mind talking, then I was right. If it was your heart, then I have to talk to you.”

 _If it was your mind talking, then I was right._ ’I was right’? Kageyama meant every word he said to Hinata with every part of his body, not just his mind and his heart. But, he supposed his heart was where the fluttering started. Hinata’s phrasing irked him, though. ‘I was right’? ‘Mind talking’? Kageyama was good with science, not feelings. He knew how the brain _worked_ , not how it worked. But his intuition told him that Hinata was telling him that this might be a big misunderstanding. “My heart.”

“You mean that?”

“Yes.”

“You know what I’m saying, right?”

“Not entirely, but I think I’ve got the gist.”

“Why did you say those things? Did you mean them?”

“I meant them completely. When you told me about why you and Hyakuzawa broke up, I wanted to give you all the love in the world. I’ve wanted that since our first year of high school.”

“Our first year?”

“Yeah. When you started dating Hyakuzawa I was really sad because I thought my opportunity had slipped through my fingers. So when you told me you broke up because he wouldn’t take initiative, it really hit me how much time I had wasted. If I had just told you in high school then I could have been over you by now and we both could have moved on with our lives, but I’ve just been stuck here.”

“You make it sound like I would have rejected you.”

“You would have. You _did_.”

“I was wrong. I thought you were saying those things because you felt bad for me breaking up with Hyakuzawa and you wanted to be a rebound so I wouldn’t be sad. Was it not like that?”

“Far from it.”

“So that was a real confession?”

“Yes.”

“Is it too late to change my answer?”

“I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“Right. Well, I’ve wanted to be your boyfriend since nationals the first year. I remember exactly when it started, too. You were coming to the t-shirt stand and Yamaguchi and I were already there, and Hoshiumi was there. I was really intimidated because he was a better player than me and he was in the same boat. Then when you came over and greeted him I realized I didn’t want to let anyone else have you. It’s extreme, but some nights I thought about how I would kill myself if you started dating Hoshiumi. He’s like me, but better.”

“If it makes you feel any better, he had a boyfriend at the time, so he was off-limits anyway, but I’ve been focused on you since before then.”

“Uhm, will you be my boyfriend?”

“It’s about fucking time.”

Hinata giggled like a giddy schoolgirl, happily planting a kiss on the top of Kageyama’s head.

Hinata thanked his lucky stars before settling into a happy haze. Despite having a broken leg and a metric fuck-ton of schoolwork to worry about, Hinata felt light. Everything had been going wrong in the last 24 hours, but in that moment, cradling Kageyama and petting his hair was enough.

Knowing that he wouldn’t be alone anymore warmed his heart; through everything that had happened, Kageyama took Hinata’s hand in his and shifted his position to be more comfortable. In the last seconds of Hinata’s consciousness, he thought of what he and Kageyama had gone through and how cruel the world was, but in that moment in that tiny starlit hospital room it was enough. Hinata felt whole, and easily succumbed to sleep.

fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading. it genuinely means the world to me.


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